Wednesday, 13 March 2013

HIGH TEA: Feelin' Good and My Theory Behind It

FEELIN' GOOD. Yup, I do feel OK. PROPERLY OK. Not semi-down, not half-depressed and tired but PROPERLY OK.

It's true my sleep cycle has gone and cycled off into a ditch somewhere because since about midday yesterday I haven't been to bed at all. I don't follow any "New Age" philosophy, but one author who's into such stuff says on sleep loss:

Sleep deprivation somehow acts as a blanket neurotransmitter re-uptake inhibitor. Your brain stays saturated with neurotransmitters leading to elevated mood and euphoria.

I have to say I never found that true in the past. Sleep loss has never made me anything else but REALLY KNACKERED. The sleep loss I get now happens BECAUSE THE ENERGY'S ALREADY THERE. Other way round!

My mood feels THE WAY IT SHOULD to me. I don't think it is elevated. It is Normal. What has gone up is my energy. I stayed up all night last night writing in Spanish.Afterwards, I've decided I'm going to master Italian, Romanian and Portuguese too. And to perfect my French. They're all offshoots of Latin, so it shouldn't be that hard. It's said that it's easier to become fluent in four Romance languages than to master Korean (or presumably any other Asian language)...

I have some theories, based around realizations that came to me fully formed (not as the fruit of interminable pondering) that don't exactly weave together into a magic carpet of Enlightened Truth (they're not meant to ~ they're my Pearls. So I hope that by alluding to them below I'm not casting them before swine...(!)

Earlier on ~ both this morning and yesterday ~ I thought I was High  ~ until I realized I couldn't possibly be, because I hadn't taken anything... But I had! I'd taken tea and tea is laden with caffeine, theobromine and so-on. Stimulants. I've had two cups of caffeinated tea today. Yesterday I had one tea and one coffee. I now drink Nescafé decaffeinated but I can still feel hyper on just that. Turns out there IS caffeine in decaffeinated coffee. Just less of it.

I've tried drinking Cup-a-Soup as an alternative, but that's laced with MSG and that perturbs the brain's glutamate receptors (inhibiting them, as far as I know). There is a connexion between glutamate, GABA, serotonin and dopamine ~ the two main monoamines that regulate mood. So I'm doing myself in there as well. Sometimes I switch to lemonade. My folks point out that most lemonade is chock full of aspartame and acesulfame K ~ both of which are "sources of phenylalanine" which has a supposed mood-elevating property. (Aspartame has also been implicated as a causative factor in a whole range of mental disorders.) Well I absolutely loathe the taste of artificial sweeteners so the lemonade I drink is Sainsbury's own, which is sugar-only. But sugar is well known for making kids hyper and I'm nothing if not a big kid. Which casts sugar out the window too...

Which leaves me with plain drinking water. Sugar-free, non-calorific and (presumably) undrugged ~ water is actually one of the Greatest Energy Sources of All. Water is a compound of oxygen and hydrogen. Oxygen being, of course the very breath of life itself. While hydrogen ~ as the lightest of all elements ~ is fundamental to the most powerful nuclear reactions in the known universe. The sun ~ a humungous ball of liquid hydrogen ~ produces heat and light via continuous nuclear fusion... has been doing this for about 4,600,000,000 years, and has an estimated 7,000,000,000 years of fuel left.

Controlled nuclear fusion is the "holy grail" of nuclear scientists. If we did ever manage it, we'll be able to power the entire planet on just water. Human blood is 83% water. The Bible says that our life is in our blood. Water is described in the Bible as "living".

I don't know how I did it, but I have accessed a special source of energy and power not open to or attainable by most other people. I think in the future all humankind will drink from the same Fountain of Life. Hey maybe I got a little sip in advance...?

This is a time of Rising Energy. Spring is springing as we speak ~ can't you feel it? I woke up one morning last week and, despite feeling otherwise completely horrible, I felt this weird sense of light behind my eyes... in my head... I don't know how to describe it but I get it every year and it makes me feel "weird". OK, I know people who live Down Under can't. But everyone else...? Does anyone get what I get? This semi-migrainey sensation with ultra-intensely saturated field of vision and a sense that the weird flickery multicoloured visual effects of migraine "aura" are just about to intrude. I had this for about four days straight. Right before (and especially behind) my eyes, the building blocks and motifs of the phone game "Edge" were everywhere. So some days I was seeing the computer game on the pavement as I trotted to the methadone chemist...

Yes: I think I had been playing Edge a bit too much. I completed level 46 and that's the top level.

(Edge is a game where you roll a cube around a surreal world. There are no baddies and you don't have to shoot anything and that's why I like it. Your "enemy" is the edge: fall off and you die and have to try again. But it's really really really addictive... and it reminds me of a recurring daydream I used to have as a child... Very psychological...

Well that's all I have to say. Somehow it has taken an hour to write something that came to me in a flash earlier on. I AM going to try sleeping. It's supposed to be good to sleep it's just that... sometimes it seems such a WASTE OF TIME. You know what I mean?

Oh I just remembered I'm due down the druggieclinic tomorrow where I've 99% persuaded a lady called Marjorie to be my new Worker. Me and my old worker don't really click. The missing 1% is all down to me. I have to remain abstinent from heroin or Marge won't have me. Ukh: I'd be so ashamed if I used and she found out. Marjorie was BRIEFLY my worker in about 2009 when I really wasn't tuned into cleanliness or sobriety in any sense of either word ~ so we didn't click at all. I'd just sacked Maple Syrup ~ bullying Bitch Worker From Hell and found it hard to open up to or trust anybody at all who worked at a methadone clinic. Marjorie has been Duty Worker for the last few weeks. This means she's the person you see when you miss your keyworking appointment. Or if you're like me and your worker never makes the appointments to start with then vanishes off sick with no explanation. (I think he's got "Depression" by the way. Everyone seems to be depressed nowdays...)

Uuuuuurrrrrr... I've lost my thread. Yes ENERGY and LOTS OF IT. Back again. I wish I could Return to the Source and STAY THERE. That's the big reason I gave up on drugs of the Transcendent variety. The gates of paradise are opened. The E-pixie grabs that pot of gold at the rainbow's end and pours it out all over you, bathing you in stardust. Then come Tuesday morning you're bedridden, crying, totally distraught and feeling lied to. What was so wonderful has now turned to shit.

What I want from life is some value that lasts for ever. I'd rather have just a little bit of that than a whole load of Money. Though to be honest, it would be nice to have the money too...

OK I hope my musings weren't Too Amusing. I've got to go and find another Pot of Golden Pixie Dust...

There is something intensely dreamlike about computer games. The kind I like are relatively sedate and do not require lightning reflexes!

This is the one I'm talking about. EDGE. This is the PC version. The phone version has the theme music but no other sound-effects...

POOYAN プーヤン (Konami Arcade game: 1982)
I got the top score on this down our local arcade. And doesn't it look incredibly primitive 31 years after its conception...? I was only good at it because you go up, down and shoot. I LOATHE games with complicated controls.

JET SET WILLY (Platform game for the Sinclair ZX Spectrum. Programmed by school boy Matthew Smith. Released 1982).
This was only fun when you nobbled it to get infinate lives, protection from death by falling, cured the "attick bug" and neutralized the "sprites"... really great fun. I used to spend hours just wandering around....


Akelamalu said...

Can't go wrong with water, unles it's flourinated and you're allergic to flouride! ;)

Glad you're feeling better. x

Gledwood said...

Thank you. I don't know what prompted me to say all that it seemed really important but water IS the source of all life. (Well: apart from God)... Yes I was thinking of fluoride when I wrote that... we used to have an old water filter in our kitchen that Mad Yoga Woman refilled every day but she was the only one who drank from it; the jug was coated in ALGAE!!!

Deko said...

Hi - I actually found your previous blogs and followed the links to this one. It's cool to see you are still writing and have been. I used to read your blog when I was in addiction.. now I am sober, and needed some help that acknowledges there are people out there who went through h addiction and lived to tell a different story. thanks man

Gledwood said...

I wish I could say I was clean. Completely and 100% clean. Dunno if/when that's EVER gonna happen...!¬