Bye Bye Whitney

SO WHITNEY HOUSTON is dead and I'm sure few people are surprised, considering her longstanding problems with crack. The greatest voice in pop was lost to that drug. If it did that to her voice, what on earth did it do to her personal life. The Sun newspaper today claimed that she got so paranoid on the stuff that she made a hole in her bathroom wall to see who was outside. Crazy business, all of it.

We've had a lot of snow since I last wrote. Nearly all of it came down in one night, about 4 inches ~ which is a LOT by London standards. Enough to completely shut down all my TV channels for about an hour. (No direct line of sight to the dish anymore.) Luckily it hasn't been too slippy because the snow turned slushy rather than icy. It snowed again the other night, but only a light covering.

My fingers are "better" in that they seem to be set, but they feel like somebody else's hand, won't close up properly and certainly won't open all the way. I can just about type properly now and I'm meant to practise flexing them.

Psychiatrically I've been feeling crap since I stopped taking my risperidone. I finally got fed up of anxiety and panic, which I found out was a side-effect of the drug. In recent times I've only had a problem with anxiety SINCE going on risperidone, which is too much of a coincidence for me.

I've had NO access to a psychiatrist since I left my old druggieservice late last spring or early in the summer, about 8 months ago. My GP refuses to prescribe anything else but risperidone. There's some complicated rule about what borough you live in and what borough your GP is in, which has bearing on which mental health authority you get treatment from. So today I switched GPs. It was like jumping through a hoop of fire, what with no proper photo ID (expired passport) no paperwork dated later than the end of last year blah blah eventually I dug up a letter dated 11 January 2012 which satisfied them. It's ridiculous. I'm not a foreigner. I'm British-born yet I'm treated like a would-be impostor. ALL I NEED is access to a psychiatrist or someone who will prescribe quetiapine or SOMETHING that makes me feel calmer. On risperidone I get panic. Off it I feel agitated, irritable and suicidal. As I absolutely cannot abide anxiety of any kind I lean more towards under-dosing myself with risperidone until the time comes when I can finally switch meds to something that suits me. It's not that much to ask but you'd think I was asking for the moon the high-jumps they put in my way.

Well I've got to go all this typing is exhausting my hand. Take care everyone XX


WHITNEY HOUSTON: MY LOVE IS YOUR LOVE