My Self-Destructive Friend

I HAD to go to the doctor's this morning, where my previously infected and injured big toe nail, which had been opening on a hinge like a trapdoor finally fell off in front of her face. The doctor looked like she was going to be sick. I put the huge yellow nail in my pocket, but soon discarded it, when I realized how disgusting it stank.

I am back on the antipsychotic Seroquel (quetiapine). I "only" took 100mg last night, but was so knocked out this morning it was a struggle to get to the doctor for more. The maximum dose, by the way, is 800mg ~ and I'm meant to be on 200. How anyone can function on 800 I've no idea. My friend Pinky is on 750mg plus the antidepressant mirtazapine (Remeron) plus clonazepam (Klonipin), a Valium-type drug for anxiety, plus zopiclone for sleep!

Looking around at the half-cleared, half-sorted mess of my life of my house, I'm not surprised I hadn't the drive or energy to finish. It's hard enough for me to motivate myself anyway ~ without a treatment that is worse than the disease.

My friend Greg Arious has been behaving in a distinctly antisocial manner since breaking up (yet again) with his girlfriend of 16 years. He has shaved his head, revealing numerous slashes, gouges and slice-marks. He looks like a thug now. I told him it would look better when it grew a bit. Yesterday he was drunk  to near-incoherence by 1pm. And I'd only come to deliver more alcohol. His poor dog, who he loves, looked terrified. I left very quickly. I've never seen anyone drink as heavily or as quickly as Greg. Some days he seems to get through nine litres of strong white cyder at 7.5% ABV. That's 67.5 alcoholic units. More than double the recommended weekly limit in one day. I cannot sit by watching somebody destroy himself. In fact the reason I so often don't want to go round is the Demon Drink. I'm not sure this friendship will last much longer.

The world is still boiling hot. At least London is.

Now I have to go. I'm going to try and make mixed salad from chopped cucumber, spring onions and tomatoes with spinach, watercress and rocket leaves. I just hope I don't poison myself like last time, when I caught roaring diarrhoea for days afterwards...


  Do you want 2 hours of music that will go on and on? This set is from DJ Ernesto (whoever that is) back in 1994. If the beginning is anything to go by, it's far too intellectual for my taste, but there you go...


OK I get why it's so intellectual now: it's from the radio, not an actual clubnight. That explains everything. The track exactly 20 minutes into it is good.