I've had a McDonald's double cheeseburger (£1.49 ~ that's $2.50 and I heard they cost just one Dollar Stateside!) and a curry since yesterday and still I'm full: it's really quite convenient.
I invested in a family-sized tub of "thick bleach" (without it the toilet smells like an open sewer; there must surely be a crack in the pipe... or something..?... and I got a special mop-squeezy-out bucket, as I was planning on doing my floors. Of course I have done nothing of the sort. And there have been builders next door all day, talking loud and doing my head in.
This is just a quick post before I am timed out. My head feels strange. I kept hearing voices in the air. It's freaky. I've been writing a long post about my past life but it won't be ready till tomorrow at the earliest.
I've gotta go now: HAVE A CHARMING WEEKEND FOLKS!
Hello Gled! Jut read your post and wanted to say hello and hope things are going well. Cant really say much is going any way over this side of the water. Im not really up and Im not really down I am just kinda here. Had a go at clean time yet again and yet again I am sitting here after just getting another half and resenting myself. Owell maybe tomor will bring some kind of change. Would be GREAT if my cycle would throw me into the normal stage but honestly I would take the depressed stage at this point at least then I could just say I am depressedleave me alone and stay my ass in bed and sleep. Sleep is not something I am getting much of these days and im sure thats got a lot to do with using but watever. I just cant say I really care about much of nothin right now. Sorry for the rambleing honestly I am not really sure what I was trying to say lol. Was just intending to say hello and here I am rambleing on and on about nothing that anyone cares about I am sure lol. Well Ill stop blabbering on about nothing and bid you adue. Hope all is well and hope the voices quiet down for you.
ReplyDeleteHi Gleds, love the sound of bleach and mop . . . I'm a tad OCD about cleaning (amongst other things). You sound pretty normal in this post, apart from the voices. I had those last night, more in my head than in the air, but deffo not of my mind . . . Just odd random sentences just chucked in from no where, very annoying.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if it's part of getting "on" Prozac, or mixing it with methadone . . . and gear. Did Seroquel have these effects on you? It's not advised (online) to mix either Prozac or Seroquel with Methadone . . . unless totally necessary. I'm wondering if it's necessary. I'm wondering a lot today . . . Stropster wants me to teach him Radiohead's Creep on the guitar Now! so must go, I do like that tune though and I am a weirdo so I'll away, with love x
I find that peaches have to be local and fresh to be any use. They are one fruit that really shouldn't be picked too soon - they don't ripen properly then and tend to taste blah and have a very odd texture. Nectarines are more like plums and tend to travel better.
ReplyDeleteThe McD double cheeseburger is one of the cheapies - $1.39 here in Canada I think. I don't tend to order much at McD's except the green tea.
Hope your voices simmer down or at least say something helpful.
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ReplyDeleteI lost my comment some place?I thougt the pix was Nancy Reagan at 1st.I love Judge Judys show.I didnt know she won a award for it.Nectarines are the best!
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FALLEN ANGEL: what drugs are keeping you awake? Do you do much coke?? Or is it the heroin? I know heroin plays havoc with the sleep cycle. I went through a long time when I only slept in short bursts, which meant whenever anyone knocked on my door at 4am (which they did far too much) I always seemed to be awake to talk to them... More recently heroin seems to have a weird effect eg a few weeks ago I took some and then couldn't sleep at all, it was as if it had made me hypomanic. But for YEARS it seemed to have an opposite effect and definitely stabilized my mood (when I tried doing days off it I felt unbearably depressed). Although a friend of mine used to say I was bipolar more than 10 years before it ever became a noticable problem (the mania that is ~ I've had depressive episodes for years) I didn't really get any hypomania during the time I was on heroin except when I tried going on antidepressants and they made me really high, at least twice, and towards the end, when I chanced upon an internet description of racing thoughts (this one:
ReplyDeletehttp://bipolar.about.com/cs/faqs/f/faq_racethought.htm
) and realized I was having this, and getting pretty hyper, right in the middle of periods when I'd thought I was depressed. Eg I used to talk crap to my hamsters, but some days just couldn't stop doing it, even when they were out of earshot. I had this overwhelming urge to babble about something just because I was so high.
The high of bipolar is very different from drugs for me, although I feel "drugged" a lot of the time, like I've taken coke when I haven't, my behaviour is very different. I barely ever have laughed on cocaine or speed, I don't really get disinhibited, I don't really get any more friendly and though I feel "high" it's not a "cheerful" type of high more an inner feeling of energy. Manic energy shines out of me and I feel far less uptight, most of the time. Interestingly the drugs service staff seem to be able to tell the difference. Eg hypo/mania makes me far more talkative, which crack wouldn't. I used to routinely turn off my phone when I was taking crack, as I didn't want to talk to anyone...
BUGERLUGS: have a look at this link on racing thoughts and see if it rings any bells
ReplyDeletehttp://bipolar.about.com/cs/faqs/f/faq_racethought.htm
... to me there is no absolute difference between that and "hearing voices" and "thought insertion" except I suppose racing thoughts feel like they're racing about IN my head, hearing voices CAN be just like a person right next to me except they're invisible, but it can also be like words appearing in the air around me, though I can tell they're not accoustically real. Yeah I do feel very lucid despite everything ha ha!
BTW Prozac actually seemed to be the chemical that set a LOT of my weirder symptoms off... it was the first thing to make me noticably hyper for days on end, it also made my thoughts echo in my head (which is supposedly a symptom of schizophrenia, though on its own of course it doesn't necessarily mean you're schizo). I didn't want to write anything negative about Prozac at your blog as you seemed to have enough to deal with, but I'd say just for the record that whenever I took Prozac (bc I went off it and back on it quite a few times) it made me MORE anxious, more insomniac and definitely more hyperkinetic and agitated, which was really annoying to everyone around me as I couldn't sit still, kept pacing about... apparently this happens to most people (though it's a matter of degree) though it wears off within days and then you're supposed to feel calmer.
What Seroquel did to me was make me extremely drowsy the first few times I ever took it, and this continued the next day, so that I felt weighted down to my chair and it was v hard to get up.
Risperidone actually seemed to make me MORE psychotic the first couple of days I was on it. I kept seeing animal pictures in the floor (like really artistic chalk-drawings in the scuff-marks on the post-office floor...)
If you're feeling "bipolar" and the GP doesn't seem to be listening I'd ask for a psychiatrist if I were you, and write down what happens so if he asks the wrong questions you're not blown off course. What he/she will want to know is how often, how long, how severe, what exactly happens and how disruptive is it.
Have a look at this list of symptoms
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomanic#Symptomatic_recognition
and see what you recognize. I'd advise you to look up any expressions you're not entirely familiar with because when I first read that stuff I had no idea what eg "expansive mood" or "flight of ideas" really meant...
I read the negative press about quetiapine before going on it but wasn't too concerned about it. I've never experienced it interreacting with methadone. Maybe it does make methadone a bit stronger but I don't get any "high" off it... I wasn't too happy when I heard quetiapine had a "discontinuation syndrome"... yet ANOTHER addictive substance to screw with my brain...
JEANNIE: you're right about the nectarines, they are kind of like vastly superior plums more than peaches. In fact they're kind of like mangos as well. I've been eating 4 a day and STILL managed to remain constipated... how is that possible? Even Princess Diana said too much fruit had her dashing for the loo...
BEV: I watch Judge Judy every day, but still suspect her agenda is not to look like anybody's fool rather than to get at the TRUTH. Eg the other day she said she didn't believe this teenage girl said "have you got insurance" before getting into and driving someone else's car. If I drove someone else's car that would be my first question: am I covered by your insurance? Of COURSE any sensible person asks that first... RIDICULOUS WOMAN!
(Very Watchable Woman too though.)
Gleds: No I hate cocain and ironicaly I have only tried actual crack like twice in my life. Several years ago I had a horrible coke habbit and actually had a sever heartattack on my 23 bday due to a many day no sleep or food at all binge on coke and I took myself to rehab and while i sucssesfully kicked my coke habit i met some new friends there and they were all heroin addicts and when I got out I started hanging out with them and bcz they relapsed and were using I tried heroin for the first time and ironically I hated it back then probly bcz I over did it and all it did was make me puke for hours on end so I stayed away from it AND instead picked up a major pill habit a few years back and about a year ago it switched from pils to gear and about a month ago I retardedly switched from snorting it to now injecting it any chance I can. I do not know how to inject myself so i only am able to inject if I can meet up with my ex and of course share my shit with him in trade for him hitting me but that wasnt very often until last week when of course ive gotten kinda outta control yet again and this in turn caused my husband to decide one day while I was gone to pack up some of his things and go to his parents and take a break until he can decide weather or not we can fix our problems which he has no idea I am still using so more or less in order to save my marriage I desperatly need to quit. BUt to answer your question no i am only on heroin and it deff reaks havic pn my sleep paterns. Unless I do quite a large amount it soeeds me up like I was doing some sort of stimulant but if I do a lot then it will make me basically nid out and lazy. I havnt really been doing large amounts so I more or less just speed myself up and then have to take over the counter sleep aids to knock myself out but my bi polar has been all outta wack and I am manic way more then I have ever been which also reaks havoc on my sleep. So I am averaging about 2 to 3 hours a night and then some days I am just so wiped out Ill take a 5 hour nap during the day which also dont hekp me get bakc on a normal sleep pattern. I mainly go on my rambleing fits when I am high and or manic any other time I am very short and to the point and really not much of a talker so I am sure I am casuing most of my issues by using but if its was simple to just quit no one would have a problem specialy not me and I deff wudn be still doing this shit. I wanna quit but I dont wanna quit its like a catch 22.
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