I've Given Up Smoking!

ALMOST TWO WEEKS AGO I bought a nicotine pipe (not an e-cigarette) and have gone days without smoking any cigarettes at all.

The type I got takes refills from a bottle. A 10ml bottle of 24mg/ml nicotine solution costs £3 and lasts me six days. Ie I'm "vaping" 40mg a day, which is about the amount of nicotine in 40 full-strength Marlboros.

I have tried e-cigarettes, but they (1) aren't strong enough: the strongest I've seen were only 18mg and more importantly (2) they don't give out nearly enough vapour. Lastly (3) they are far too expensive.

I don't reckon you'd save very much money at all smoking e-cigarettes with their poxy cartridges. Last time I tried smoking one, I'd exhausted the entire disposable cigarette with half an hour's constant puffing. I would never puff for half an hour on my wizzy new pipe, because you don't need to vape on it for that long. In fact, I'd say I spend a lot less time vaping than I used to smoking, because if anything my pipe is stronger than real cigarettes. Also with a cigarette constantly smouldering down you kind of feel duty-bound to finish it, hence taking more puffs than you otherwise might do, purely to get your money's worth. With a pipe I take between three and ten puffs, then that's it. The other difference is that I tended to blow cigarette smoke straight out, whereas with this thing I take double and treble puffs and really hold it in.

For years doctors have been telling us that most of the dangers of smoking come from the tar, and that someone, somewhere might be preposterous enough to do that. I'm sure that someone, somewhere has experimented with nicotine patches just for the hell of it, got addicted to nicotine that way and gone on to smoke ordinary fags. But does that mean nicotine patches ought to be banned?

nicotine is relatively benign. But at last that an efficient nicotine-delivery system has been developed that does not require smoking, a load of mean-spirited physicians are up in arms about it, making ludicrous claims that children might take up vaping and switch to smoking! How extremely ridiculous is that! Now I'm not denying that

I know there are health risks associated with nicotine, but they are far far smaller than those associated with tobacco smoking. Tobacco smoke contains over 7000 chemicals, of which at least 1200 are said to be toxic. Some, such as benzene and arsenic are extremely carcinogenic. Though as we know, human beings appear to be selectively susceptible to these harms. Some die off early. Others have been able to smoke daily for eighty years or more with no apparent ill-effects.

Another great advantage of vaping over smoking is the vastly reduced fire hazard. There is no more need for lighters, ashtrays. My house no longer reeks of fags.

Plus my teeth are whitening by the day.

I didn't even know how badly I wanted to pack in smoking until a viable alternative was available to me.

I'M REALLY GLAD I STOPPED.

Illustrated: Shisha Time vaping pipe, like the one I use... "Tobacco-flavour" e-liquid tastes of stale hamster-wee so I use lemon-flavour instead... The next one I'm gonna try will be mint... Nice white teeth (mine aren't that white) (also, when I wear lippy, I far prefer "plum paradise" to that rather bland shade...

American-style Crisscross Fries

I COULDN'T FIND "American-style curly fries" last time I looked in Iceland ~ no I'm not a jetset food tourist: Iceland is the about the cheapest food shop in Britain. Especially if like me you have really chavvy taste. So instead of curly I went crisscross ~ and they are deliciously vulgar. I can really imagine eating them on the 18th floor of a towerblock in the flat next to a crackhouse. The type of block where the lifts stink of skunk and the only gold in sight (that isn't round the drugdealer's neck) is on packets of Benson and Hedges cigarettes. It's not all bad living in the sky. You do get really amazing TV reception up there.

(I don't smoke Benson and Hedges: they're too expensive for me. I smoke Berkley or Sterling Superkings, broken into 3 and rolled into 3 separate mini-cigarettes, complete with Swan mini-filters. This way I can go an entire 24-hours on just "10" cigarettes (made into 30).

When I'm really broke, I pick up dog-ends from the bus stop, but you have to be careful when you find what looks like a really juicy discarded roll-up. Several times I've imbibed cannabis this way. Cannabis is the drug I loathe beyond all others. It's like paranoid schizophrenia and Alzheimer's rolled into a skin. Last time I smoked it (and that really was by accident) I was hearing voices within about 4 tokes. It's nasty nasty stuff. Psychosis without the manic, elevated mood.

Anyway what was I talking about. O yeah crisscross fries. I eat mine with battered cod chunks and chopped tomatoes doused in black pepper and vinegar.

Does anyone follow Real Housewives of New York City? Yesterday I finally caught up with enough to be able to follow the story. Isn't that LuAnn a bitch when she's angry? Very beautiful though. How old is she? Does she have great genes or a great plastic surgeon, or both? She was having a massive row with Alex over some inter-housewife hiccup on their marakesh trip. She's the kind of girl you have to go several rounds with in the verbal fighting before you get to shoot every point she makes down in flames.

I just found out she was born in 1965, so she's about 47..?? Anyway I feel sorry for people appearing in those docusoaps. What it's easy for the viewer to forget is that whenever you end up in a fight with another character, you're not just interested in winning the fight. Your entire social standing and reputation could depend on the outcome. So no stress then.

American TV producers have a weird grasp of the word "housewife". Here it means a stay-at-home wife and/or mother who spends her days doing minor chores between tea and biscuits and turgid TV of the kind I watch...

Anyway I can't wait till I get foreign telly piped in. I'm so fed up of the English crap it's unreal.

I haven't touched heroin in days. 15 or 16mg methadone, whatever the dose is, holds me perfectly. I make sure I drink it in the early afternoon ~ which means there's little to no risk of waking in the morning feeling sick and not wanting to face the walk to the chemists plus an hour-+ wait after drinking to feel OK again.


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Illustrated: crisscross fries; Benson & Hedges; Sterling Superkings used to cost about £2.96 for 10, now they're usually £3.15. I have never seen them on sale at £2.20 (far as I know they were only put on the market about a year ago); LuAnn de Lesseps ~ I have no idea what the subtitle means.

PS I just found out "to imbibe" means to drink in. I've never drunk cannabis (though there is a method of soaking grass into vodka) ~ what the hell; I like the sound of it so it's staying in...

VIDEO
MANIC STREET PREACHERS: DESIGN FOR A LIFE
THIS song is for you BEVERLYBABE and ANNA GRACE:~~ "We don't talk about love ~ we only want to get drunk..."
Usually I'm not that into this guitar-type music, but this tune is a classic.



    ♫ ♬☮ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚ ✞ ☨ ╬❤ ♡ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚♫ ♬☮ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚ ✞ ☨ ╬❤ ♡ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚♫ ♬☮ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚ ✞ ☨ ╬❤ ♡ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚

Electric Toothbrush

I BOUGHT two battery-powered electric toothbrushes for £2 from the £1 shop... 

They're supposed to oscillate several hundred times per minute more than manual brushing ever could.  

So now my teeth should look wizzy and whiter than ever before...

(Which won't be hard, considering the state of them...)

*******

PS: if you're wondering about the lippy, that's not my normal shade.

Usually I go for "California Prune Surprise"...

New Doctor!

I GOT A NEW DOCTOR just now. The kindly receptionist didn't glance too hard at my expired passport. If she noticed that it was 18 months out of date she didn't say anything. I had to write schizoaffective on the form because that is supposed to be a "serious illness". Where they ask for family illnesses I gave none, in case I ever want private health insurance. This will stop the insurers bumping the premiums up. (You have to think of these things.)

I have to come and see a nurse next Wednesday. Tuesday is the "turning into a woman" breast tissue scandal consultant. Thursday is the new methadone clinical evaluation. So it's doctors galore.

The new "surgery" (do they ever perform operations on site? Frankly the place does not look sterile enough ...) only asked for one proof of address, so my Mum's fake letter about training courses never had its moment. The old doctors were really strict, which was what made me so para. They even quibbled a bank statement for being too ancient ~ it was two and a half months old! The methadone clinic want two proofs of address, so failing any mail delivery my Mum's fakery will shine in all its glory then.

There's a bus strike in London today, which means I have a choice: ride four stops by train to get my methadone. Cost: £4.40 return. Or walk there. Some buses are running but they terminate early giving the worst of both worlds: a bus fare and a long walk...

Last night I still couldn't sleep properly. I started feeling over-excited again and chain-smoked in bed. Every few minutes I seemed to wake back up to continue smoking. I know this is no recipe for guaranteed unconsciousness, but I long ago learned not to worry about poor sleep. Not worrying entails never "trying". You can't "try" and sleep anyhow. So I end up pottering about all night. Or smoking in bed while listening to radio phone-ins ...

And when I had to get up this morning I was in a very bad mood indeed!

Of course after six am I did sleep a bit. But I was still awake before the alarm went off at 8, and then I didn't want to get up. So I slept between 8am and midday. Which is all very unhealthy, I suppose. But there you go.

Hey I GOT A NEW DOCTOR. WOW!!!


Illustrated: smoking in bed, the glamorous version... My old doctor looked just like this, only he wore fewer clothes... The practice nurse looked like this, but not quite as fusty ...