Friday, 31 August 2012

American-style Crisscross Fries

I COULDN'T FIND "American-style curly fries" last time I looked in Iceland ~ no I'm not a jetset food tourist: Iceland is the about the cheapest food shop in Britain. Especially if like me you have really chavvy taste. So instead of curly I went crisscross ~ and they are deliciously vulgar. I can really imagine eating them on the 18th floor of a towerblock in the flat next to a crackhouse. The type of block where the lifts stink of skunk and the only gold in sight (that isn't round the drugdealer's neck) is on packets of Benson and Hedges cigarettes. It's not all bad living in the sky. You do get really amazing TV reception up there.

(I don't smoke Benson and Hedges: they're too expensive for me. I smoke Berkley or Sterling Superkings, broken into 3 and rolled into 3 separate mini-cigarettes, complete with Swan mini-filters. This way I can go an entire 24-hours on just "10" cigarettes (made into 30).

When I'm really broke, I pick up dog-ends from the bus stop, but you have to be careful when you find what looks like a really juicy discarded roll-up. Several times I've imbibed cannabis this way. Cannabis is the drug I loathe beyond all others. It's like paranoid schizophrenia and Alzheimer's rolled into a skin. Last time I smoked it (and that really was by accident) I was hearing voices within about 4 tokes. It's nasty nasty stuff. Psychosis without the manic, elevated mood.

Anyway what was I talking about. O yeah crisscross fries. I eat mine with battered cod chunks and chopped tomatoes doused in black pepper and vinegar.

Does anyone follow Real Housewives of New York City? Yesterday I finally caught up with enough to be able to follow the story. Isn't that LuAnn a bitch when she's angry? Very beautiful though. How old is she? Does she have great genes or a great plastic surgeon, or both? She was having a massive row with Alex over some inter-housewife hiccup on their marakesh trip. She's the kind of girl you have to go several rounds with in the verbal fighting before you get to shoot every point she makes down in flames.

I just found out she was born in 1965, so she's about 47..?? Anyway I feel sorry for people appearing in those docusoaps. What it's easy for the viewer to forget is that whenever you end up in a fight with another character, you're not just interested in winning the fight. Your entire social standing and reputation could depend on the outcome. So no stress then.

American TV producers have a weird grasp of the word "housewife". Here it means a stay-at-home wife and/or mother who spends her days doing minor chores between tea and biscuits and turgid TV of the kind I watch...

Anyway I can't wait till I get foreign telly piped in. I'm so fed up of the English crap it's unreal.

I haven't touched heroin in days. 15 or 16mg methadone, whatever the dose is, holds me perfectly. I make sure I drink it in the early afternoon ~ which means there's little to no risk of waking in the morning feeling sick and not wanting to face the walk to the chemists plus an hour-+ wait after drinking to feel OK again.

☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚

Illustrated: crisscross fries; Benson & Hedges; Sterling Superkings used to cost about £2.96 for 10, now they're usually £3.15. I have never seen them on sale at £2.20 (far as I know they were only put on the market about a year ago); LuAnn de Lesseps ~ I have no idea what the subtitle means.

PS I just found out "to imbibe" means to drink in. I've never drunk cannabis (though there is a method of soaking grass into vodka) ~ what the hell; I like the sound of it so it's staying in...

THIS song is for you BEVERLYBABE and ANNA GRACE:~~ "We don't talk about love ~ we only want to get drunk..."
Usually I'm not that into this guitar-type music, but this tune is a classic.

♫ ♬☮ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚ ✞ ☨ ╬❤ ♡ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚♫ ♬☮ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚ ✞ ☨ ╬❤ ♡ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚♫ ♬☮ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚ ✞ ☨ ╬❤ ♡ ☯ ☢ ✔ ➝✚


Anonymous said...

We call them waffle or wafer fries locally, and eat them with a cheese dip. Mmmm:)

Bev said...

When I pressed the arrow to play the video it says uploader has not made this video available in your country.
OOOOOOOOh the affair sounds thrilling.I have lots of questions on the love affair but Ill ask tomorow.I will love specific details and the cloths we are wearing.Is Anna Grace in the picture or just the two of us?
Oops.Impure thouhts on my part.Sorry.I will have questions thouh.Love and Kisses to my lover boy Xoxoxo

Liz said...

But Miranda is on tonight. I have seen all the episodes about 3 times each but it still makes me laugh.

Good on the methadone, by the way.

I try to pretend that I don't like chavvy food but i love it really too.

Jeannie said...

I know gypsies who use the word chavvy quite differently...

I can't say I wouldn't eat those fries - but I wouldn't admit to it! I would have bought them for the kids when they were little but not now as I have no excuse.

We don't mix our cannabis with tobacco. I think smokes are even more expensive here except if you buy from the Indians who sell tax free (but just their own brands - not name brands)

I never watch any Housewives. The ads alone put me off. I just can't stand people who dramatize everything for attention.

Gledwood said...

JEANNIE: yeah I heard the word "chav" is of Gypsy origin...

Those fries are really yummy. They cook much better in the oven than curly fries which, being so 3D, tend to crisp on whatever bits are upper yet remain soggy on the lower half, and turning them is easier said than done, specially when you use tinfoil instead of a baking tray, the way I do...

The housewives have gone boring again so I'm not watching them any more.... Well not PLANNING to watch. Then again I never PLANNED to watch fucking Emmerdale and I loathe it yet STILL it comes on and I forget to switch over. With over 90 channels not counting +1s and over 20 BBC Regional Variations I SHOULD have something to watch... yet STILL there are times when there's so little on, I end up watching the Christian channels, purely out of despair!

LIZ: Miranda was really good on the radio (did you ever catch her on Radio 4?) but I never got into the televised version... (weirdly)

ANON: in this country we usually say fries when referring to very stringy and spindly things that mostly come from McDonalds and cheapo fastfood outlets, though the supermarkets sell oven varieties. When we say chips we mean any kind of French fries, though traditional fish and chip shop chips are very chunky ~ somewhere between wedges and McDonald's style fries.

I used to know a waffle restaurant. The wholemeal ones were really nice and they did this amazing chocolate mousse you could have double helpings of melting all over sweet waffles...~~~... that was amazing!
BEV: I have saved the best till last. Anna Grace can be as much into us as she likes. Especially if you're up to having a bitch-fight in our 4-poster. Nothing turns me on more than girl-on-girl action of the catfight variety. (Type "Dynasty catfight" into youtube and you get some alltime classic action between Joan Collins and Linda Evans and their chunky-thighed stand-ins!) It's not sexual, it's just a pervy power rush thing....

I'll get another version of that video just for you...

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