HEROIN IS A DRUG TO MAKE THE WORLD GO AWAY

THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT A LIFE WITHOUT HEROIN



Thursday, 9 August 2012

Exhausted

I AM ABSOLUTELY exhausted. My legs are aching. I really need a shower but wouldn't have made it out. (Ran out of tobacco and need that more.) I feel like I have just come back from a 48-hour rave and am paying for it now. Despite not having slept at ALL the night before, I was still up at 5am last night. Still far too hyper to sleep. I took 2 Nytol. Then took a third 2 or 3 hours later. I realized afterwards that these were "one a night" strength (50mg diphenhydramine) and I never intended to take treble the recommended dose. (It's not dangerous by the way, it's just a sedating antihystamine. Quetiapine is antihistamine too (as well as being antipsychotic) but I'm trying not to take that.

I will not dare say I feel normal. And just for the record, although I don't feel really manic now, I don't feel as if the mania has gone away. I feel like you do when you've taken a load of speed and it's worn off, but you don't have the depressive type of come down. Just this weird, lingering hyper feeling mixed with a sense of having massively overdone it.

Yesterday morning I was yelling into the phone, pacing back and forth, while slapping my bare leg over and over. Eventually Pinxx said "what are you doing?" Then I went and posted what felt like complete confusion on my blog.
I really couldn't focus my mind at all. I hope I don't spend another two days awake. That is really inconvenient. I've made a point of stocking up on more Nytol. Not that it's that amazing, but it's better than nothing.

Nothing else to say. This isn't really a post for you, just a diary note for me. Right I'm off. I'm drenched in sweat. Gotta go in that shower.

PS wonder if I'll be able to eat a whole plate of food today. I bought chocolate at around 5am and ran into a crackhead prostitute who started telling me about being beaten up by a serial killer. Life is nothing if not colourful. Not sure it's the colour scheme I'd chose though... Illustrated: Green and Blacks chocolate. Which I normally like. Really made me feel sick. Nytol: can't live without it...

6 comments:

Bev said...

Thats the same stuff in Benydryl I get it at the dollar store.I dont take it much usually Im a good sleeper early to bed & rise.

Elsie said...

It's been a long time since I've had that feeling you described after taking a lot of speed, for me it was coke, but it might as well have been yesterday. YUCK! I hope you start feeling more yourself soon.

Bev said...

Do you buy cigarettes all ready rolled?Its getting too dear and ppl buy even pipe tobacco or stogys to save money.Taxed up way to high.My ex hubby smokes Montclair boxed 100.What brand do you smoke?I bet something similar to Marlboro or Winston?

Akelamalu said...

Crikey I hope you start feeling better soon Gleds. x

Syd said...

Gleds, just stopping by to say Hi. Hope that you are doing better.

Gledwood said...

Beverly: you get diphenhydramine for $1? That's about 65p. And I paid £5 ($8) for a pack. Typical rip-off Britain!

ELSIE: I heard that the longer you stay bipolar the more mixed up the manias can tend to be... is that true? I hope it never happens to me. First time I went proper manic, in December 2010, my mood kept switching quickly between high and low. After a few days I felt completely traumatized by it. The depression was so severe that just thinking back to it gave me trauma. That horrible. Oook.

Beverly: I buy "normal" cigarettes albeit the longest ones I can find (ie the ones containing most tobacco!) ~ that is 10 Sterling Superkings a day for £3.15 (probably just over $5) I break them into 3 and get 3 rollies out of each one. That's 30 ciggies a day. Rolling tobacco costs nearly £4 a 12 or 14g pouch (forgotten which) but it's definitely more expensive and I don't remember getting any more smokes out of it.

AKELAMALU: I'm still feeling a bit weird. My mood was normal as it ever gets in the past 24 hours, if a bit irritable (I've been feeling physically really run down) but now I feel like I'm going higher again! I've absolutely no idea where this is all going... The horrible GP refused me more quetiapine because they're not due till the 18th, assuming I must be over-using it when I just lost a strip somewhere. I've actually found them again but am trying not to take them ~ they really don't seem to make that much difference, except they usually make me sleep deeply...

SYD: thanks for dropping by. I'm still feeling a bit weird (see above) sorry I haven't been round. I try and check my onscreen blogroll as often as possible, but I just have barely been anywhere familiar in blogland in the past week....