eustachian tube (which trails from middle ear down to throat) fix anything. O I don't know. I'm seeing a doctor anyhow.
... If you're wondering why I've gone so housewifely with posts about washing up, washing up liquids, laundry detergents and softeners, fridge defrosts and so on, it's because I'm so terrible at cleaning and basically doing any practical thing round the house I have to turn a lazerlike focus to obsess on the subject. Otherwise nothing ever gets done.
METHADONE CLINIC RANT:~~~~~~~
I'M SO FED UP with the drugs clinic it's unreal. The crap these workers come out with. Like "'clucking' (ie the opiate withdrawal state) is mostly psychological". Yeah ~~ and?? So what? Another one tried to imply that anybody with any habit should be OK on just 30mg methadone. That is ridiculous. They come out with all knowlegeable-sounding claptrap like "Britain is the furthest North-West corner of Europe so the heroin gets here last and is weaker than anywhere else on the continent. Maybe this is true now (after the Great Heroin Drought of late 2010 to early 2011) but it was never true before. I know people who have used all over the continent and they all say the same thing: gear was more expensive here but stronger. Greg Arious went to rehab in Amsterdam. He messed it up, as most people do (by far the majority of rehab patients "relapse" within the first year. Anyway he said Dutch crack was better than ours. But the gear was about the same. All the figures I unearthed when curiosity niggled at me: how strong WAS the gear? It used to be 40-50% pure. And it's either imported specially from Afghanistan to here via land and sea or it comes from the Netherlands.
UK retail purity of heroin, based on 5528 samples, was 34.9%; Holland was 44.5%. France was only 13.2%! In 2008 the UK mean was 37.5%-42.8%, (based on 6241 samples), the Netherlands was 40.15; France just 11.8%.
I'm fed up of them spouting crap. I told them the story of when I took 50mg methadone ~ this in the form of Physeptone tablets still in the strip, so it couldn't possibly have been watered ~ and how within about 15 hours I was in pretty severe withdrawals. They don't want to believe the truth, because it's not in their interests to believe it. So they come out with smug, glib comments about heroin addiction being mostly in the mind ad nauseum. And next time I hear such crap I swear I will be physically sick.
The Government was parping away a couple of years ago about how they disapproved of longterm methadone and how they were going to push addicts in to rehab. I said at the time "well good luck paying for it" because most people need three or more stints in rehab before they ever achieve any lasting recovery ~ and full rehab costs something like £10,000 ($16,000). Now, surprise-surprise, they're restricting funding for detox/rehab places because they can't afford it and their number one recommended "pathway" for longterm addicts is methadone/Subutex detox "in the community" ~~ just like I chose to do, with no input from them. I'm the only person I know who isn't happy stuck on a methadone script. Nobody else appears to want to come off it.
Tory) government is that they're not allowing longterm methadone maintenance any more. This is no problem for me, because I don't and never did want methadone maintenance. Don't see why I should live my life beholden to any bastards at any drug clinic, be tied to a chemist, have to ASK PERMISSION to see my own family ~~ or to travel anywhere for any length of time. The old clinic even kept me on a level, supervised dose of 110mg against my will. The doctor seemed to think I was hypomanic and said if I was forced against my will to stay at 110mg when I wanted to reduce, some "pattern" might become evident. There was no pattern, and their drugs test gives yes-no answers to a range of substances. No dosages or dates ~ ie no pattern ~ ever can become visible. I hate methadone and do not see methadone-addiction as any substitute for stability or normality. I'm the only person I know who seems to feel this way. Since I gave up using heroin at every opportunity in late 2010 my mental health has plummeted. It's my view that methadone is a noxious toxin and I want me and it separated as rapidly as humanly possible. But this is going to take some time. At the present rate, I won't be off it until sometime around early 2013. AND I REALLY CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT.
FOR BEVERLYBABE AND ANNA GRACE
Here's the Manic Street Preachers' Design For A Life performed live at Glastonbury ~ our biggest rock festival ~ and it SHOULD PLAY IN THE USA...
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