HEROIN IS A DRUG TO MAKE THE WORLD GO AWAY

THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT A LIFE WITHOUT HEROIN



Monday, 10 September 2012

Message from the Centre of This Sweltering Universe!

LONDON seems to have been swelteringly hot the past few days. I don't know if it's because I'm ill with my bad ear, or because I'm on methadone, or both, but my body seems to think it's at crisis point with all this heat. A couple of days last week I got so hot I was wandering the house in just socks and undies ~ yet STILL so hot a river of perspiration was pouring down my back and I felt like I was about to expire!

I'm still hooked on the heroin, but not as badly as before... taking it once or twice per week, but the days in between I'm feeling flat and dull. They say that's par for the course with methadone therapy but I don't know. My mood has been settling down and creeping downwards, causing me to suspect depression was crouching round the corner ready to ambush me... Until today and an antidrugs group with an old acquaintance from the former Nutter Club ~ by far the best antidrugs group run by the methadone clinic. Jane and I are writing a letter to the Consultant Psychiatrist who had a hand in closing the old Nutter Club (a dual-diagnosis meeting) down. We're going to try and push for it to be reopened. It was the ONLY source of support during my psychotic break last year. Without it, I might not have even got diagnosed, as it was Naomi, the moderator of that Group, who pushed for me to see a doctor. She even drove me across the Borough to a mental hospital's Emergency Reception so that medical professionals could FINALLY see me in the Manic Moods I had long been complaining of. And it worked. They wrote a report, which my psychiatrist saw. And then he gave me a diagnosis I didn't actually want: "manic depression and schizophrenia" (ie bipolar schizoaffective disorder). I was so upset about that, I went home and cried...

I've certainly been getting my money's worth out of the Astra 1 satellites and their Central European entertainment... My tellybox is programmed to receive multiple satellites, if you use a motorized dish, or one with multiple pumpumms. So when I press the wrong button, hosts of exotic TV stations suddenly appear from far-out weird and wonderful locations named things like Nile-sat, Türk-sat, Hellas-sat, Hotbird... how evocative. Being in touch with the rest of the world in my own living room is so exciting. One of the best new channels is CCTVF ~ Chinese state TV in French. This particular chaîne de télévision has a more involving mix of entertainment than CCTV in English. There are some very entertaining soap operas. Just about every episode a character seems to wend their way into hospital. China is a Communist (or at least Socialist) country and yet education and healthcare are not free... How on earth can this be? I long to be able to understand the history, politics and outlook of the Chinese Nation. For example: why the Cultural Revolution? And what was it all about? It's my goal to perfect my French and German (hence the new tellydish) and to pick up Chinese and Japanese. I long to be able to read East Asian texts in the original. I want to know what it was like for "intellectuals" living through the Cultural Revolution. And I want first-hand accounts of Hiroshima and Nagasaki... And what did they do to clear up the radioactive wilderness of those great towns so effectively that today they have populations of hundreds of thousands who appear to pass their lives in atom-bombed locations in relative safety...

It took me about five days to do this, but I've finally pruned all through my new German satellite TV channels, reducing the number to 69 by, removing home shopping, adult channels (which usually broadcast a still picture of a reasonably attractive woman sprawling over a series of premium rate phone numbers. In the late evening the girl suddenly has her tits out. But that's as "adult" as it gets. There were also a few music channels that appear to be offering compilation CDs 24-7. So I kept about 3 or 4 genuine music channels, a couple of kiddie ones and 3 or 4 religious channels (Bible TV, Catholic TV etc).  Where channels were repeated over regional variations I picked the most exotic region, eg WDR Cologne, Pro7 Switzerland, RTL Austria, Southern Bavarian from deep in the mysterious Alps (instead of Northern, from the foothills) and so on. I get something like 20 or 30 BBC1s ~ that carry general interest programming of high quality plus regular national and local news bulletins. English satellite channels never carry the evening news.

Every single keyword that appears time and time over I have looked up and written down and I'm trying to memorize the vocabulary lists. At this rate I'll be picking up around 2000 new words a year, so within 18 months my German should be pretty good.

I forgot to say re the German TV licence (yesteday), not only does German television have more than double the income from licensing the BBC has, but the State-owned TV channels also carry advertising, meaning they are swilling in money. There are probably more than twice the number of television jobs going for actors in Germany compared to the UK. Last night I saw an incredibly atmospheric and wonderfully filmed and produced police drama called Borowski and the Silent Visitor about a heroin-addicted "working girl" with a toddling little boy who is obviously the sunshine of her life... until he mysteriously vanishes from her 20th-storey flat. Turns out the postman, who has masterkeys to every apartment in the building, has snatched her kid and the WOMAN, the victim, ends up in a police cell, having a fight with a "thrusting young policewoman"... and then she does eventually get her little boy back. But not before she very nearly takes a flying leap off her balcony...

Now it's a hot day and I've got a carrier bag full of frozen food from Iceland waiting to melt on me, so I must go and P-I-NNNNG..!! I hope you all had a charming weekend... and, sorry Bev, but I never did a post on my bedspreads. Only news as far as they're concerned is the heavy spraying they got with Blue Febreeze last night. I washed clothes dowsed in treble the recommended dose of fabric conditioner yesterday, hung them out, and in they come smelling of nothing more exciting than the acres of Fresh Air that get into your clothing from a good airing on the Washing Line... why is this? How do you manage that Fabric Softener Overdose aroma that you talked about, Bugerlugs? What brand do you use? Is it ultra-concentrated? Do you put it in the watery compartment to the right of the powder drawer? Do you line-dry your clothes? This gets rid of all the smell from mine, even when I've doused them in THREE capfuls of Jeyes' Easy; how do you keep your aromas in? PLEASE leave a comment explaining all...

And PS Anna Grace I am not, and never have been a woman. Someone is having a laugh. I DO have a Roborovski Dwarf Hammy named after me, owned by Bugerlugs. She thought her Gledwood was a boy, until Gledwood gradually got tubbier and tubbier and one day gave birth to tiny, wriggling "baked beans with paws"... robo-pups! If you go to Bugerlugs's page you can see my namesake ++plus++ Entertaining Babies rambling like the clappers on their wheel...!

PS this is my name in Chinese Gēwō 鴿窩 (traditional) 鸽窝 (simplified characters) it mean's "Dove's Nest"...

PPS I've found an excellent poetry blog by a lady named Ruth Johnston. This girl really has something... Not only is she an A-grade poet, but she was born in Finland. English isn't even her first language!


Illustrated: Dual Disorders Recovery Book for addicts with psychiatric issues ~ I'd love to get a copy of this; Chinese soap; Brit comedian Vic Reeves; Borowski und der Stille Gast: der Entführer (the kidnapper-mailman! Who looks like Vic Reeves); a golden hamster ~ my tubby lookie-lykey!!

MUSIC: I didn't used to like derivative ravey pop, but I luuurve this tune...
N TRANCE: SET YOU FREE



✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚

20 comments:

bugerlugs63 said...

Ok Gledwood, very interesting post.
Now then, no secret . . . it has to be, repeat has to be, LENOR!! the blue Lenor. I have tried every other brand, and every other colour/fragrance of Lenor. Blue Comfort is a close second, but it's definitely second.
It doesn't matter whether you buy the concentrate of the normal, I buy whichever is on offer, but it has to be BLUE LENOR!!!
No pre-soaking the clothes, just a normal machine wash, with the conditioner in the appropriate compartment of the drawer.
If the machine seems to be "taking" the conditioner before the rinse (which mine does) hold off, and put it in the drawer just as it comes onto the rinse cycle. I usually use twice the recommended dose and whether I dry the clothes outdoors or in the tumble dryer, they always smell of blue Lenor and are as soft as a robos eyebrows!!
Good luck and let me know!!
No cheating, it has to be . . . OK you know x x x

Bev said...

Weel at least your trying And me and your readers are motivated and inspired by your motivation.
Im goinf to bed shortly but I am proud of your determination.
I love you and tell your a kind sensirive individueal.
Ithouht that you had a sausy time just by the bed spread comment taht made me feel I missed some hing kind of kinky.Im sad today and plan a vacation from blogger.I need to use commom sense to make decisions.Love to you.Xo

GLEDWOOD said...

BUGERLUGS: I have a theory that ultra-concentrated stuff will stay in the conditioner drawer better (because it doesn't overflow and end up in the first wash; it waits until the rinse-cycle). I'm going to try blue Lenor. My friend Valium Marilyn's house smells of fabric softener I really like it. There is a weird smell in my flat and I've no idea what it is. So I've been bleaching the toilet 3 times a day with thick bleach (which should cling to the bowl better than thin). Yesterday I sprayed the entire place with nearly half a can of Frebreeze. The smell was so overpowering I was kinda feeling borderline nauseous. OK anyway I'm going to try what you said. Will it survive being line-dried? My clothes smell of NOTHING when they come off that line. Well kind of really fresh, but not perfumey at all. Ho hum.

BEVERLY: it's going to take for ever to learn Japanese. And even when I manage that I have to learn Chinese. Which is even harder (I think). I'm not that good at the Chinese accent or tones. When the woman comes on the DVD I end up squeaking in this high voice because in trying to copy her tones I've replicated her pitch also, which you're not meant to do.

Common sense isn't so common you know. But I'm sure you have plenty of it. That makes you a very Uncommon Gal.

Don't drink too much while you're off Blogger now!! I cut down so far I had only one drink the entire weekend!!!!

Take care it will be so quiet without you I will really miss you XXXXXXX

MADINSANECRAZY said...

http://www.23nlpeople.com/schizophrenia/Catatonic_Schizophrenia.php

bugerlugs63 said...

OK, I've done the leg work for you . . . Just back from school walk and Tesco are doing an offer on blue Lenor. £1.68 for 1.5litre thats half price!! Whoo ;-)
Yes it will survive outside drying.
The conditioner gets taken when the water spurts through that compartment regardless of it's thickness. Mine just seems to take it way too soon so I withold it and play games with the machine . . . Like I've got time to wait until the rinse cycle!
I add the Lenor only on the final rinse, so it doesn't have chance to rinse all the flavour out.
It stays in for days, as I said, the lads' teachers used to mention this and one even aked Stropster which Fabric Conditioner I used. I think Lenor should be paying me!
Do you think it's because we struggle to be clean that we spend so much time making sure everything else is clean? Just a thought.
OK, enjoy your washing, with love as always x x x

bugerlugs63 said...

Air freshener; Oust! usually about £2 but most of the time on offer somewhere (Asda/Co-opo/Tesco/ Sains) for £1. It's fresh but not sickly.
Otherwise I use an oil burner which is far more economical.
A bottle of essential Patchouli Oil (the real thing) is £8 but using only five drops in the burner with warm water, it lasts ages. Tea light candles (or whatever they're called, those little stubby ones in a tin cover ) are £1 from some kind of pound shop for a huge bag. Oil burner from charity shops. Then move it around from room to room it's delicious, That and Lenor mingling, you'll be in heaven ;-)
Enjoy and let me know x

bugerlugs63 said...

Ps . . . Or of course any other essential oil, depending on your taste. I just love patchouli.
Sorry for so many comments, I'm not trying to keep up with you (on my Blog) I'm just feeling a bit chatty, maybe I should go and write a post.
Did you watch Jonathon ross the other night where he said they were going to start an animal olympics . . . Guess what they showed?? Yep! Roborovskis flying round in a (horizontal) wheel and getting thrown out of it! If you have playback facility, you can still watch it, I thought of you when I saw it.
Right I'm really going now, Byeeee x

GLEDWOOD said...

I think part of your secret is witholding it till the final rinse. My drawer takes it away too. It seems to overflow and mostly slip down the pipe within 5 mins.

I tried josssticks but used a packet costing £1 in one day. I think the secret with josssticks is to keep the ash on the floor because that is very aromatic too.

I have no idea what the weird smell is. I was going to get an oil burner too.

I HAVE TO SEE THE JONATHAN ROSS ROBOS HA HA!

Anna Young said...

I love that you...Mr. Nice and proper said tits. I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Oh dear, you are grande.

GLEDWOOD said...

Nice and proper ha ha!

Bev said...

I was already here.My heeeeead!.I didnt remember visiting any blogs after my last morning drunk.
You are in my thoughts and everywhere else.Xoxoxo

Bev said...

Patchouli.I love that stuff.One of the first things I remember reading in Bugerlugs blog was her patchouli and how much she loves it.That was my fave to!I remember having one in a compact and you can dab it behind the ears or knees or where ever you want to smell extra nice.I dont know how it got its name but it smells great.It smells so much nicer ten its name.Its not like broccoli rabe who has a funny name and bitter taste.

C. Schmidt said...

Gledwood, I just wanna say that I can appreciate exactly what you are going through. A recovering addict myself, I decided to start a blog to share my experiences going head first into numerous addictions and detailing the events that possibly got me to that point. If you have time, I'd love it if you took a look at my page. I just did my first post and I am desperate for feedback.
Stay strong.

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Gledwood said...

BEV: I used to have this essential oils book> what to use for what complaint etc it said if you mix patchouli in writing ink for fountain pens you get a really amazing result...(???)

C: WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME I TRIED COMMENTING AT YOURS THIS FUCKING COMPUTER WON'T LET ME. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. I GO TO PEOPLE'S BLOGS, AND IT ONLY HAPPENS ON THE COMMENT SETTING YOU'RE ON (NOT A POP UP WINDOW LIKE THIS ONE) AND I TAP AWAY PRESS PUBLISH AND BANG! NOTHING THERE! SOMETIMES THE PUBLISH BUTTON IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA WHY...

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