HEROIN IS A DRUG TO MAKE THE WORLD GO AWAY

THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT A LIFE WITHOUT HEROIN



Friday, 28 September 2012

Bugerlugs' Secret: How To Make Clothes Smell Ultra-Fresh...

BUGERLUGS, my fellow heroin-addicted blog-friend gave me a tip on how to make my laundry reek overpoweringly of Fabric Softener. Add an overdose of this to the powder-drawer during the last rinse; then it will reek overpoweringly of "blue". True to her word, the only brand that really works is Blue Lenor. My local Sainsbury's sells "x4 freshness" and x"7 freshness". Only the first of these was on 2x750ml for £3 special offer but I invested in the allegedly stronger one anyhow. I had to sit through the entire rinse-cycle with pen, paper and wristwatch, timing and numbering each spin so next time I can know exactly where I am in the cycle.

Because I was so paranoid, I ended up adding two capfuls each to the second and final rinses. The recommended dose is only a half or one cap. But I want everyone in the vicinity of my specially-treated garments to go into near-anaphalaxis, so I didn't mind wasting a bit on a second-last phase that was only going to rinse it out. You have to be absolutely sure you're tipping it into the very end of the wash, otherwise it'll only get drenched out leaving barely the faintest aroma behind.

True to Bugerlugs' word, only Lenor is potent enough ~~ and it absolutely must be blue Lenor. She has experimented with every other colour and nothing else works. By the time the final mind-blowingly extended nuclear-strength spin was done, it was too dark to creep into the yard to peg them out, and I was terrified that fresh air might blow all the artificial "blueness" away.

So they've been on my Ikea indoor hanger. They smell OK, but next time I'm adding ten capfuls, just to make sure. I want people's eyes to water when they go near me and I want my entire flat to smell like Valium Marilyn's place. She spends the twilight of her days in a beautiful top-floor apartment reclining chaise-longue-style in front of panoramic HD cable television. I keep warning her not to fall out with her son, who pays the cable bill, because without National Geographic, Discovery and Animal Planet, life as she knew it would be over...  And her flat reeks of fabric softener too...

By the way, Bugerlugs: there is a most unpleasant warning on the bottle saying never to use Lenor on bedlinen or children's clothes and never ever to add it direct to fabric, as anything treated with their product becomes highly flammable. Offputting or what? ??~!?

I'm still sleeping marathon hours. I was in bed by two last night and woke up midday-thirty (I spend no time lying in bed awake ~ that is just too depressing ...) So I got straight up, put something on German television that I couldn't understand. Felt pissed off. And was back in bed within twenty minutes. This time I dreamed a lot. I don't like dreaming. I went back to Park Meadow in Hatfield, where I grew up. Then I was up again by three, not at all happy to be awake. I always think: if you have nothing to write then write nothing ~~ and yet this is a daily journal. So that is my non-diary for today...

Next time, maybe I'll have laundered more clothes. So wow. Maybe there will be something exciting to add to the record...

*


MUSIC
JEANETTE DIMECH: SPAIN'S BEST-KEPT SECRET
When I was ten and my Dad got remarried, he and my new step-Mum brought two of her tapes back from their honeymoon...

SOY REBELDE
"I'm a rebel"... this time with English subtitles...




EL MUCHACHO DE LOS OCHOS TRISTES
"The sad boy of eight"...




✔ ➝☨+*✔ ➝☨+*

7 comments:

bugerlugs63 said...

Yeah! I'm so pleasd you tried it, at last. I'm off to bed, it's past midnight and I can hardly stay awake . . . I'll check out that warning on the bottle tomorrow and report back, I've never noticed it before.
I really am glad you finally bought the blue lenor, nothing compares.
It's "the sad eyed boy" eyes and eight are similar, but not the same ;-)
I'll try and keep one of my eyes open for the furry swine tonight!
With love, as always x

bugerlugs63 said...

PS . . . That picture is Lenor "infusions" I've tried all of the "infusion" range, and wasn't too impressed. Nothing, I repeat, nothing, beats Lenor original blue ;-). I've just checked the (empty) bottle; Spring Awakening.
I've just ran out, I have to walk to town now, just for Blue Lenor!
O yeah, I'd never read that warning. I drench the fleece blankets with the stuff! . . . And have even been known, on occasion, to "fall asleep" and drop my fag on the fleece! . . No fire! just a small neat burn hole, melted nicely at the edges, so as not to fray ;-) . . . I'm sure you know the type I mean . . . enjoy your Day x x

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Blimey, Gleds - you don't do things by halves, do you? xx

Bev said...

Oooohh I would love my laundry smelling so nice and fresh.We dont have Blue Lenor here thouh.I will love that smell esp. on my bed linens.Nothing better then clean and fresh smelling sheets.
Last time my sister let me use her machine and I used her Snuggle but not much perfume in it.
The singer is way to sweet looking and sounding to be a rebel. She looks like the girl whos in your bipolar beauty post.
You dont like dreaming?How come?Not pleasant?I love dreaming.
Sweet dreams and Blue Lenor kisses your way.XoXoXo

Gledwood said...

Bugerlugs: That thing about flammable clothes. It's because the fibres are more fluffed up. You might as well say dry clothes are more flammable than wet ones. Quite ridiculous. I will try and find the original blue Lenor. I tried a few whiffs from different bottles but nothing else was overpowering enough.

Bev: Jeanette is in the bipolar beauty post but she is only a faint lookie-lykie. R could be Jeanette's sister. They look similar enough.

Welshcakes: I try never to do anything by half. My life is enough of a terrible compromise as it is... know what I mean???

Anna Young said...

I thourghly enjoyed this post, Bugerlugs was good to give you the secret to fresh smelling clothes.

To Bugerlugs63, what does Buerglugs mean. I've always wondered. Some people ask me what the pp stands for in my screen name. I never answered because it's so simple. I meant pp as in pee pee (pissface).

Here in the U.S. they have just come out with these beads you put in the washer with your clothing and all they do is add massive amounts of scent, no cleaning value what so ever. They are made by Downy fabric freshner. My skin is very sensitive so I have to use the more costly hypo allergenic type.

Got to go

Gledwood said...

I haven't got sensitive skin at all. I'm lucky.

I found a bag full of women's clothes over a month ago. I took them out to see if anything more interesting was in there. (There wasn't). But the clothes smelled real strong of washing powder and fabric softener. How come other people always manage it and yet my clothes smell so weak. It's unfair.