Sunday, 30 September 2012

I Hate Weekends

UKKKKHHH WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. It took me all day just to get up. Properly. I actually got up at around 6:30am because I know when I'm not going to sleep any longer. Then I watched some French crap and brooded. Then I switched to American crap: some Danielle Steel mini-drama about a beautiful woman with very fake looking blue-eye contact lenses whose ancient husband is terminally ill falls in love with another man. Halfway through I started leafing through a book, but it was still OK.

I tried going back to bed in the afternoon because I felt so ill but it was a waste of time.

My friend Pink is back in the nuthouse. Transferred back from the unit that gave her skin-grafts for third degree burns she inflicted on her leg by deliberately setting herself on fire. I cannot handle going in there today because 1 she is confined to her room with her leg in splints so no smoking and 2 I cannot face having a shower.

I keep forgetting I am actually (theoretically, at least) taking an antidepressant every single day. For what good it does me. This afternoon I started feeling desperate enough to go and hit doctors I don't know with a sob story about having come down from Manchester with a plane to catch and how I desperately need my Prozac (to induce a manic episode) or Dothiepin (to OD and hopefully die). I think I'd go for the Dothiepin because it's meant to be stronger than Prozac anyhow. Dothiepin is a tricyclic antidepressant, the only type that is worth ODing on. Because you really do go into the classical Danielle Steel drama style unconsciousness. Then you start fitting out. Which knowing my luck would attract my fuckwit neighbours, because fitting people can involuntarily scream. Then you have a heart attack and hopefully never come back. Dothiepin is now known as dosulepin, apparently: see ~ I would have got busted straight away asking for a drug that hasn't even bourne its own name for 20 years...

Well I don't want to die. I just want to get out of here because I am boiling hot. I have a dr's appointment on Wednesday anyhow. The "antidepressant" I mentioned being on is actually an antipsychotic (Seroquel). If I'd been popping real antidepressants I'd have gone star-rocketing up a long while ago. But Seroquel does nothing. It is only recommended for bipolar depression because bipolar people's brains are so fucked they cannot tolerate any normal drugs at all.

Well I've got to go. Sweat is running down my back it is disgusting. I hope your weekend was a hell of a lot better than mine.


Bev said...

Please forget that idea.
Anti depressants dont make sense to me.Is there such a thing as fake happiness?
Some thing is bound to come a long and cheer you up or some thing to look forward to.
The weekend is just about over to.
Things will get better.
Im sending you a whopper of a kiss. Its chocolate fudge and rum flavor.
May be I should send you 2.You will want a nother after sampling the first one
You will love it!!!XoXoxoXO

Akelamalu said...

Sorry to hear you had a crap weekend Gleds, hope this week is better. x

Gledwood said...

BEV: antidepressants, when I took them properly, always worked well. They took all depression completely away. As far as I can tell, this means in doctorly terms that the depression has a strong underlying chemical/genetic factor and isn't just caused by circumstance. People like to assume that being a terminal junkie I should be depressed, but I had an elevated mood for months on end last year and you can't have it both ways. If it is just caused by cirumstance then why don't I feel crap all the time. And how come when I'm getting depressed I sleep up to twice as long each night as normal?

I will send you back a Yule Log... do they have those in America? It's chocolate cake in the shape of a log with fake snow sprinkled all over it

AKELAMALU: Thank you but~~

I wish I hadn't written all that stuff about antidepressants. Now everyone will think I want to set off a nuclear bomb in my head when I don't.

The weekend is over and I only feel a bit better. But I utterly loathe weekends. They are the pits.!

Bev said...

When I was a child Sundays seemed sad and boring.
Now we can buy liqueur on Sundays and holidays to before 5 pm.
Love youXoXo

Bev said...

I was on a couple antidepressants many years ago.For me they just made me sleepy.
I think my depression was a reaction to my situation at that time.
Out of that situation I never took them again.If I really liked the effect I would continue but I was feeling no different.
Yule Time logs.We have them from Friendlys-delish!Xoxo
Thank you!

Gledwood said...

Yeah we have looser Sunday trading laws than when I was a kid, when nearly the entire country closed down on Sundays.

Like I said, antidepressants always worked for me, when I stuck with them. But right from the beginning I think they made me more euphoric than they were "supposed to". I reckon now they would either make me very agitated and/or manic so I dare not touch them... the quetiapine (Seroquel) I'm on is supposed to be a treatment for bipolar depression but I cannot prove it is doing anything. I'm seeing the dr tomorrow but she says she doesn't want to alter my meds and I'll have to see a psychiatrist if I want them altered...

The best Yule logs in this country come from the discount supermarket Lidl, which is German. They also do Stollen, which you couldn't get from a normal English supermarket... Lidl's cakes and chocolates are head and shoulders better most of the English crap, which is usually too sweet and nowhere near choclatey enough... know what I mean.

BTW do you like Herscheys chocolate? I tried it and it was even worse than Cadbury's. The only milk chocolate I like is Milka brand from Switzerland. Also Ritter chocolate (from Germany) is far nicer than British crap.

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