Saturday, 8 September 2012

If I drop, how will I ever get up?

EVERY MORNING I wake up feeling sick. Too sick to drink alcohol. I buy alcohol anyway, pour it out and it just sits there for hours. Then I sup so slowly I don't get drunk at all. It's not banging into walls, double-vision drunkenness I'm after, just a half-intoxicated feeling. Anyway this morning I had to rush to get to the post office. My infected ear is as bad as ever. Amoxocillin pills seem to be doing nothing, so maybe I'll have to use the old spray that made me even more deaf. I walked as rapidly as I could. Which wasn't that fast. I felt dizzy. The world seemed to be swaying. I realized I had forgotten my mobile phone. If I tripped and fell, I felt I would never get up again. Then I'd be dragged into hospital with no phone, no money, no way of getting out with nobody knowing what was wrong, because it was only an ear infection anyway. Is this how all people feel when they get old? Shaky and unsteady and terrified of going down? Or is it just me. I don't think it's the drink, by the way, because I don't drink enough to be an "alcoholic". And I certainly don't have that syndrome where one drink sets a person off and they don't stop until unconsciousness. Never been like that. And I don't think it's the drugs. I haven't touched the "brown" in days... Although I am getting heavy sweats. So heavy I drank twice the normal methadone dose yesterday to see if I could stop them. But it didn't stop them. Should I go to a doctor? By the way, if I felt broadly like this, yet had no symptoms at all to pin it on, I'd assume it was "depression". And I'm starting to feel depressed as well.

O yeah, and I found out by digging through the Polish on the side of the carton, that lime n mint drink is actually a Mojito without the rum...

Today I got cactus and lime. Isn't life a trip!!


Bev said...

I get that feeling a lot.I have balance problems buy mine is when Im anxious.I have catastrophic thinking to when Im nervous and my mind goes in to panic and Im sure Im going to get vertigo and I wont be able to explain any thing and the cops will think Im drunk and the ambulance will come and they will think Im going nuts and put me away.
All this scenery just takes place in seconds.The only way to calm myself down is to read.So I usally neve leave home with out a pen and pad and I write lists & stuff to steady myself back to normal thinking.
But this just happened after I had vertigo and could only crawl on the ground.it was awful.
I dont think its got anything to do with aging.
I went through CBT and it helped a lot.I never got stuck on pills for long.I didnt want to rely on them.
Of course your depressed.Any body with an ear inf. will be depressed.Theres a link to body & mind.
Take it easy and lie down and relax.Can you phone the dr and tell her the pills are not helping?
I havent had a hangover for a few weeks.I drink but I stop when I start feeling weird.I think before every next drink.The Garden Party sounds good.
I hope you get some rest.Xoxoxo and feel better real soon.

Gledwood said...

You're right not to take Valium-type pills in the long term. You'd only get addicted to them and the same symtoms that made you take them come back almost as strong while you're on the pills and unbearably strong if you try and stop them. I know someone who's been on Valium for years and he says he reckons it actually makes him MORE anxious. When I've taken it 5 days in a row, by day 5 I can't feel it at all unless I multiply the dose. And I don't want to be addicted to Valium either. I've only ever taken it in recent years to get rid of anxiety and ONE 10mg dose gets rid of it all day. Within a few days I don't need it any more anyhow as all the symptoms I get go on this never-ending merry-go-round...

For the ear I started using the old antibiotic spray which I originally didn't want again because it seemed to make me MORE deaf ~ for hours at a time. Now my hearing is so bad the spray makes no difference.