Carrie Fisher: that the bipolar high is better than anything else, anything at all. More transcendant. More sublime. And much nicer than drugs. I have never taken a drug that kept me high for more than about twelve hours and even that required multiple doses. On mania I soared stratospherically high for days on end and the whole episode took months to wear off.
It is very good to feel high, but when I remember how mentally disabled I became it saddens me. Reading a book from the library called "Madness Explained" I realized my main problem wasn't delusions (I wasn't really "delusional" most of the time) or hallucinations, which tended to be exhillarating and beautiful, not scary. A few times they have really offended me, but never terrified me. No my main trouble was "severe thought disorder". That is what made my mind go totally incoherent for hours at a time. A state of mind that kept coming back every day in the mid-morning to late afternoon. Several times I went out of body, out of mind. I once stood on top of the Universe, higher than anything and everything except God. I felt blessed and full of power. When I looked up, and I constantly was looking higher, because I felt like I was flying and was going higher, I kept seeing spirals. I had a friend who used to put salt in spirals on the carpet when she was tripping on ketamine. And Spiral Tribe, the most famous illegal rave soundsystem of the early 90s, were into Chaos Music. And eyes everywhere were staring at me. I saw them staring out of the bottom of the screen every time I turned the computer on.
I once wandered into a McDonalds and had real confusion because everybody in there seemed to be talking and they were talking directly at me. Long, long lines and crowds. So I ignored them all and somehow got a double cheeseburger and left.
Here's Carrie Fisher (author of Postcards from the Edge; Princess Leia in Star Wars): "Unipolar' people or even people with no poles should envy me or any bipolar person because the upswing is the greatest ~ better than any drug, better than anything in the world."