Beauty and Bipolar Moods in London Lovely London

IT'S A CHARMING SPRING AFTERNOON IN LONDON... 

I went into Town on Sunday. The place was fresh and twinkling all over in the golden morning sun...  it was as if someone had waved a magic wand over the city and teleported me to New York or Paris ... except this was LONDON, my own gorgeous lovely and adorable town. I'm always pleased to see tourists in great numbers coming to see my own private and personal territory. It's really flattering. And London is such a wondrous place. I walked from Holborn station all the way along Oxford Street past Bond Street and Selfridges.

I had a poke down New Bond Street, which is where all the designer stores and diamonds and ultra-high end stuff is to be found: Tiffany, Cartier, Harry Winston, Boucheron, Boodles, Bulgari etc etc. There's nothing like a nice 17 ct blue diamond on a Sunday morning twinkling it's head off in the London sunshine as far as I'm concerned. I wish I had someone to buy all these blue diamonds for. Come to think of it, I wish I had a couple of hundred million or so — y'know, to purchase all these blue diamonds to begin with.

I WASN'T on psychedelic drugs last time I posted; just very very tired and my brain feeling very UGHKHkkkhhhhy indeed.

Did you know Binky thought I was a crackstable still? "Crackstable" is my nice word for a crack smoker. Of course I'm not on crack. She did admit I was probably hypomanic  on these supposed "cracked out" occasions. LOADS of people have accused me of being on coke when in fact I was on nothing at all, except a naturally Elevated Mood. It IS possible to BUZZ on nothing except one's own private neurotransmitter collection y'know!

Talking of ELEVATED isn't this an effing fantastic track....




Hey I have great news I shall be BACK ONLINE before very long at all as I'm hopefully getting my OWN COMPUTER BACK. Not the same one as b4 but a wizzy new and improved version...

Did anybody see the bipolar documentary on Channel 4 last week? They showcased 3 sufferers. Paul, who was in the luscious grip of psychotic mania, a Welsh lady called Siân who had "bipolar 2" the supposedly "mild" type (it just means you don't hear things or see things or get delusional on the manic phases, which are labelled "hypomania" meaning "below mania". Lastly we saw Ashley, who was pingponging rapidly between "hypomanic" and "depressive" symptoms.

Philippa Perry, the psychotherapist who presented the show, said she believed the term "bipolar" to be a little too wide to encompass all that's crammed under its gargantuan roof these days and I agree. Ashley to me seemed more like a borderline personality disorder case than truly bipolar. True bipolar swings aren't usually triggered by comments a person might make. In fact when you're being really bipolar you can often feel totally insulated from other people's shit all together.

I've seen borderline personality disorder up close. It shares with bipolar an extreme instability of the emotions but that IS the difference. Borderline is an emotional condition; bipolar is a mood condition. Moods underlie emotions. In depression, emotions can become paralysed; in mania a person is extremely reactive and yet, paradoxically, there's a huge "don't care" component when it comes to the feelings of others.

I do reckon that there's more going on than the mere throwing of a genetic switch. And I think a bipolar state is more than just a drought or surplus of dopamine or serotonin. They sometimes theorize about a "manic defence" (and she alluded to this in a rather oblique way). The Manic Defence hypothesis theorizes that in order to avoid being slayed by negative feelings, a person instead becomes manic, grandiose and euphoric. I believe this may very well be true. But what the theory doesn't explain is why only one person in a hundred will ever experience full-blown mania during the entire course of their life. Why is it that some of us become manic, yet the overwhelmingly vast majority of us never do?

In the 1980s, when I was a teenager, I remember the term "manic depressive" being used amongst ordinary non-medical folks to denote a person who was (or had been) extremely depressed. The concept of pathologically elevated moods was quite alien to the public consciousness back then. Perhaps the younger and more chemically "enhanced" or "altered" generations have more experience of their own mood elevations to be able more easily to sympathize with maniacs and hypomaniacs... I don't know. But going back to "manic depressives"... the big irony is that all the worst cases of depression I've known or known of were without exception people with ordinary "unipolar" depression (ie these people had never in their lives been hypo/manic). Bipolar CAN involve episodes of extremely intense depression. The difference between "unipolar" and "bipolar" depression is said to be that bipolar depression tends to be shorter-lasting and when it does go away the person isn't necessarily "well"... they could well be on the way up to mania.

Anyway I'm more interested in computers of the silicon-&-plastic type than the vagaries of the human biocomputer at this point in time... I have some tech-related questions to anyone with an answer...
1. what package do you usually use for wordprocessing? Is Windows Wordpad any good?
2. what software do I need for audio/video editing? I'm talking about simple stuff, eg if I record myself giving a speech and want to chop out the boring bits, or use parts of a take-2 interspersed with take-1, that sort of thing... what package would I use for that?
3. if I want to make "photoshopped"-looking video (ie to put in surreal special effects) what package would I need then?
4. can anybody recommend a good printer for printing out text in black and white? Are lasers still better than ink jets? Because they always used to be. Laser printing always used to be waterfast, which is an advantage when you're an inveterate cocoa drinker like me and get runny ringmarks on everything...
5. what advantages, if any, do MacBooks have over PCs?
6. if I think up a 6th question I'll let you know
12 MAR 2015:
YES QUESTION 6 I'M LOOKING AT THE LENOVO M30, has anybody got any comments on this laptop?
THANX FOR YOUR HELP!

All over the place

MY BRAIN feels a bit like this today. But not in a good way. I wish I had never got out of bed...

Furry Friday on Saturday... In Loving Memory

SIMI 

was Welshcakes Limoncello's dog from 19 December 1998 to 8 January 2015

she was the most beautiful dog in the world and even though I never met her she will be missed by me...

Wasn't she gorgeous..?

Nobody could ever replace Simi but Bertie-Pierre came from the local rescue centre down the road in Bagheria, which is somewhere in Sicily...

Hasn't she got lovely eyes?!

(Welshcakes quote: "Bertie-Pierre is a girl. Oops!")

WISHING A FANTASTIC WEEKEND TO Y'ALL...!

Celebrity Big Brother Addict

I'M ADDICTED TO CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER... Yes! To those of you on foreign shores who may have seen local editions of the show many moons ago I have to inform you that Big Brother is STILL showing in the UK, 15 years after first airing. Celebrity Big Brother is in its 15th series (showing twice a year now).

Back in the day, I and most of my friends were glued to the first couple of series of "normal" Big Brother... but for me at least the novelty of that show has completely worn thin and I wouldn't watch it even if tied down and forced. It's full of wannabes and talentless weirdos.

Celebrity Big Brother is a different matter because even though more than half of the housemates are unknown to me, the people who go in are used to the limelight, know who they are and what they're about. They don't have the same "pathetic factor" as so many ordinary BB wannabes. So paradoxically, the "celebrity" contestants come across as more "real". It's a little bit like if you imagine assistants from the local shop, the lady from the post office etc took part. You don't really "know" them, of course, but you know more about them than a perfect stranger. This is the attraction of Celebrity Big Brother to me. It's not starry and fake. The contestants clash constantly and fight (verbally). They are anything but glossy and false.

This year we have the famous blogger Perez Hilton up against "Britain's most hated woman" ~ Sun newspaper columnist Katie Hopkins. Patsy Kensit (who has done so much more than just been former wife and mother of the children of Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher ~ I like her; I really think she's something special) and Nadia Sawalha (TV presenter here in the UK, big sister of actress Julia who played the uptight daughter Saffy in Absolutely Fabulous) have been evicted.

Ken Morley, who played the hilarious supermarket manager Reg Holdsworth in Coronation Street was chucked out for "wholly unacceptable and offensive" comments. Poor fellow. I think the older generation find it hard to navigate the vagaries of today's politically correct world. He was deliberately trying to be irritating/entertaining/controversial but crossed the line ~ and got the axe. I kind of feel sorry for him.

The biggest "star" in there is Katie Price, former glamour model aka Jordan, who has toned down considerably (except for her skin, which is a fake tan shade of mahogany orange: she slavers on dark brown face cream every night). I'm sure she's had a nose job. She looks far prettier now at 36 than she was 10 years ago at the peak of her fame. Of course a lot of people don't respect Katie Price, saying she has no talent etc etc. Well she must have a talent for something because she's at the top of her game with an estimated fortune of £45 million ($67,799,250 US). From what I've seen of her on CBB I quite like her. She's no more vulgar than the average girl on the street (talking about sex etc). Most normal girls do that, in far more graphic detail than boys ever use and anyone who's shocked by that, I think is a bit naïve.

I think the most drowned-out personality, which is a shame, because she's one of the coolest people ever to go on the show, is the American singer and TV and radio host Michelle Visage. She's fascinating but I don't think we're going to see her shine because it's so much the "Perez Hilton Show"...

Perez Hilton caused a stir by winding up "soul legend" Alexander O'Neal, who ended up walking and Katie Hopkins rather unconvincingly, I thought, made a huge deal about how anyone who crossed "the big man" (Alexander) had also made an enemy of her. I just think she was sucking up to the soul legend and trying to position herself centre-stage. And it worked. Ever since he and Katie have been at loggerheads and it's been very entertaining. Perez is also hated by Cami Li, who is some sort of American tattoo model who dated a reality TV star from TOWIE (big wow) ie she's not a real celebrity at all but she's entertaining to watch. Other people in there are 90s pop star Kavana, 80s kids' TV presenter Keith Chegwin and 2000s "playboy" model Calum Best (son of famous socker star George Best). Yeah so that is what has been grabbing my attention over the past week. Watching celebrities at their undignified/entertaining/heartwarming/pathetic best and worst. It's gripping viewing!

Illustrated: most entertaining CBB contestants this year (note the female-heavy bias) from top: Katie Price, Perez Hilton, Katie Hopkins, Ken Morley, Nadia Sawalha, Patsy Kensit, Calum Best, Michelle Visage ...

PATSY KENSIT SINGS PET SHOP BOYS
This is the only song of hers I remember... it came out in 1988
I'M NOT SCARED
It's a great tune...

Non-shoplifting Spree...

DID YOU KNOW I get over 150 pageviews a day? On this blog? Even though I barely post anything anymore...! How very extraordinary.

Ukh guess what yesterday I had a shyte morning. I had to get up early, so that didn't exactly put me in a great mood. Then I ended up down the shops. I went into Tesco (the little convenience store type of Tesco), but didn't buy anything as they have a lousy range of ready meals plus their French sticks were way too crusty ~ more like dry stone walling material. I like my bread nice and doughy. So I didn't buy anything. Anyway I'm half way up the high street when there's this tap on my back and guess what ~ it's Security saying "can I look in your bag?"

I showed him the contents of my very empty-looking carrier: old Christmas cards, a chewed biro and a three-breasted pink bra. OK I'm making up the last thing. But it was EMPTY. I demanded DO YOU SELL THAT? Then yelled F OFF. And he stomped away.

I mean really. Aren't they supposed to actually see you taking something before they intervene. I had floated round that shop touching NOTHING ~ bar that overdone French stick and that was gigantic! I wasn't exactly hiding THAT down my trousers or I'd have looked very pleased to see him indeed.... So anyway. I do feel a bit guilty about swearing at a stranger. That's not my style at all.

THEN I went in Iceland (chavtastic supermarket) and the lady made a massive hoo-har about checking my £20 note "just in case". I pointed out (very nicely this time) that if it was indeed a fake it was the best I've ever seen with bang-on holograms and a perfect silver "line of value" which weaves in and out. That security line is said to be almost impossible to fake. But she accepted my dosh and I swanned off home. Still feeling a bit guilty about my foul-mouthed outburst. But the cheek of it! I hadn't been NEAR any of Tesco's goods except that giant French stick. I mean, who do these security think they are.

More to the point I think I really need to change my image. You know to look a bit less like a homeless down and out. Presumably that is what I did look like. Even though I was dressed head to toe in new clean clothes. (Without holes.) O I don't know...

I hope y'all are having a happy new year...

RALPH FRIDGE: PARADISE KOMAKINO REMIX
Warning, it doesn't even begin to get going till after 1 min 20 through...

A Very Merry Time of Year!

HELLO EVERYBODY I've been having a moody time of late but I'm feeling absolutely fine now. Well almost. 

I saw Binky today and she thinks I'm still mental from the other day. I kind of had a lost weekend when the "Full Moon Feeling" (hypomania: which is when I'm high without any drink or drugs) hit me pretty full-on on Friday/Saturday night and I barely slept at all all weekend then did conk out and came back to life at 7 o'clock with absolutely no idea whether it was the AM or PM (it was 7AM).

Ukh I hate this time of year, don't you?? But I hope you like my dancing elf figure. Seriously this was the best thing I got when keying in "elf animated cartoon gif" ~ ha ha!

I was going to do Xmas with Binky but she "has to" do it with her Supported Care Home, so I'm pretty glad I got out of that one. It just would have been roast lamb + massive cab fares all for a day I don't give a French toss about anyhow... know what I mean?

But having said that I DO with you all the MERRIEST OF SEASON'S GREETINGS + AN AMAZING NEW YEAR IN 2015 XxXxXxX 

!!!!!!!

Puttin' It Back Together... (Again!)

I'VE BEEN TRYING to put my life together of late. I'm learning Japanese again. (Dropped Arabic. Me and Semitic languages do not get on.) As some of my longer-term friends will know, I've been circling around the Japanese language for years. Trying and learning a bit and stopping... But finally I gave up on the Teach Yourself type book/CD combos and went for the type of books they use at evening classes and beginner's uni courses, ie: Japanese for Busy People (the most frequently recommended textbook but not necessarily the absolute best), Yōkōsu! An Invitation to Contemporary Japanese... and so on. Japanese for Busy People came complete with stuck-on 70-minute CD and is completely in Japanese kana. Book 2 is in kana + some kanji, which are the Chinese characters...

O I'll shut up about this. Suffice it to say I've learned so much I can understand entire written sentences in full adult-style script. Wow! Even the introduction to the advanced-level dictionary I found in Sainsbury's carpark years ago is no longer just an exotic mystery of characters, I scan through and see 新語、古語 etc  which means new words, old words etc... or in more dictionarian language: neologisms, archaisms etc... So wow I can read Japanese! (A Bit!)

But I'm still feeling kinda lost, miserable, depressed deep-down... and not so deep-down... I really want to get a dog. A furry waggy doggie with a piggly curled-back tail. A Japanese 忠犬, an Akita-inu or a shiba-inu (which is like a baby akita that never gets big...)

I don't even know what to write now because I just want to get offline. But isn't this cute? It's an Aussie marsupial called a quokka. About the size of a housecat, it's only found on certain small islands off the Western Australian coastline... (not far along from Perth):~~~

This is what came direct to mind when I keyed in that title Putting It Together... 

This is live (studio) singing in real time... 

... Pretty Professional, isn't she!...

This Aussie documentary dates from 1994 when Burma was the world's biggest poppy-grower... which stupefied crown is now of course proudly worn by Afghanistan...

This is a stupid portrait of Mozart but I love the tune.

It's Lacrimosa from the Requiem Mass, which of course means tearful and sad, but it doesn't sound sad to me... More uplifting &c...

OK I have to go now. Sorry I haven't got a lot of stuff to say but hi to y'all and I hope y'all are doing well...