I ended up at the methadone clinic doing some anti-drugs meeting, which I didn't really feel up to, as I had been feeling too uptight and anxious (over nothing) and the only way to get out of that anxiety is to move or pace around, which makes me hyper and higher. The room was full enough to make me slightly paranoid. When the drug-talk got too boring I just stared at the swirly psychedelic faces in their blue floor. My worker seemed extremely surprised when I gave in a 100% drug-free (apart from methadone) test. See, I can do it.
I have been in a "funny mood" since about December 4. Some days I feel high. Other days less so. But luckily I haven't truly come down below "normal" for any length of time. I'd rather feel turbulent and (intermittently) very easily upset than all boring and "normal" any day... and who wants to be "normal" anyhow..?
Binky is supposed to be coming out of the mental hospital tomorrow. The patients are nowhere near as disturbed as last time. On Friday she introduced me to Manic Girl again, but I was actually higher and more manic than Manic Girl herself, who was still impounded in this nuthouse, despite being stone-cold normal (as far as I could see). Sometimes they like to keep people in for over-cautiously long times. But then if they stop the medication they're back in high mania within days. I've met a couple of random people over the years, both of whom had just been discharged from mental hospitals for extreme mania and both of whom were so obviously manic they were giving out energy like electric fires radiate heat. Whether this was psychiatric staff who don't give a toss, or medication noncomplicance, I have no idea.
Anyway I have to go. So much for being off drugs; I actually have LESS money than usual. No idea what I spend it on... who knows, but it ain't chemical ~ hence that clean Screen.
Anyway I have to go: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is on. ******* airheads ~ and yet so addictive...
8 comments:
Good for you on the clean test, Gleds. Really good.
Im glad Binky is coming out.I was wondering about her and how shes doing.Is she the gal with borderline personality? One of my exs had that and I remember reading it fades with age?Is that right?
He was very wonderful but terrifying when drinking.We where together 8 years then I felt weak and time to move on.shrimp with garlic sauce kisses.Super yummyXo.
Congrats on your test!
Well done on the clean test!
On the clean test...Outstanding, Gleds!!!
I know isn't it weird. No drugs. Ukh I hate to admit this but the reason why I'm not exactly popping the mood stabilizing antipsychos was because I thought that if only I could go "UP" I might have a lot more chance of knocking Nasty Heroin on the head... (I mean: why take drugs when you're high already..?) and it WORKED!
BEVERLY: Binky? yes borderline personality, depression and schizophrenia. What a mixture!
You should be very proud of yourself Gleds that clean result is a well earned achievement and a great way to begin your year ... stay focused and strong willed and switch those airheads off ;)
O Bimbimbie I watched the airheads for nearly 2 HOURS how terrible is that... I have to say they have more interesting people in Beverly Hills than New York (if the Housewives' friends are anything to go on)... the woman on whose life that TV show Medium is based came as a guest to a dinner party and was half-drunk and acting like a spiteful demon-possessed bitch in my humble view. I wouldn't invite her round mine! Hey when are you opening up your bloggie again..??
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