RALPH FRIDGE MEGAMIX

RALPH FRIDGE MEGAMIX 

I really like this music.

"Hamster in Tiny Playground" video gem

"HAMSTER IN TINY PLAYGROUND"
This is a pingpong ball-sized roborovski pygmy hamster, the tiniest type of hamster in the world. I used to keep them as pets.
ISN'T THIS CUTE!


HERE ARE MY 3 LATE ROBOS
Bashful, Itchy and Spherical
This is the only Youtube video I ever posted:~~~


 WHILE WE'RE AT IT, HERE'S SOME MUSIC
AND SOME MORE

Remedy Transcendent Rapturous Sublime Life Is So Meaningful Why Was I Ever So MEANINGLESS For So Long...?

 I AM HAVING A PAKISTANI chicken pastry poof for breakfast. And it is a real poof. Every time I gnaw into it it exclaims "oh really, dearie ~ must you bite in so hard?!" etc. Makes me feel like a real lesbian. I decided to have a Glodemer Breakfast since leaving Binky at the gates of the mental hospital. I gave a nearly Brand New pair of shoes to another inmate called Lulille, who is a sweet old lady who got dragged in there for threatening her neighbours who she said were intertwined in a torrid Black Magic Plot against her. But at size 8s they're too gigantic for little old Lulille. I told Binky to give them to Manic Girl instead, but Manic Girl has disappeared. Probably pinging round the heavens on a magic carpet. Then I told her to give them to Bo Peep Little Miss Wrist-Slasher Borderline Personality Disorder but she's vanished too. She might get a place at Binky's house. Bloody hell, the two of them together. Alternately idealizing and demonizing one another plus everybody else. Emotional chaos 999.

I feel overwhelmed by emotion. Binky can't handle me this morning as I spent all night up listening to music and feeling manic.

Well life is going swimmingly up at 79 Pancake Towers. I've been watching South African soap operas on Oh TV (Sky 199) and Edge/Loaded/Controversial TV (Sky 200) (all about UFOs and Big Brother Girls slagging off Katie Price) but I'm tuning in with my German TV box so I get absolutely everything you don't have to pay for. Including QVC's "mosaics" and a feed seemingly into Sky News's back room where you can hear random people arguing on the phones. Oh bloody hell I forgot to watch Footballers' Wives last night (CBS Drama: Freesat 134, Sky 149) . I must really be losing the plot.

There is so much beauty in the world. I am dying of so much splendour, drowning in transcendent light. Olympian, angelic, astral, beatific, blessed, divine, elysian, empyral, empyrean, eternal, godlike, hallowed, holy, otherworldly, immortal, seraphic, spiritual, sublime, supernal, supernatural, transmundane.... oh wow. And raptures of delight!

And Beverlybabe and Anna Grace and Bugerlugs WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU ALL..??!?

Bloody hell listen to this tune. It is transcendently beautiful.... Like being in paradise.

ARMIN VAN BUUREN: SERENITY
The 2nd one down ~ original mix ~ is particularly impressive...

VIDEO ft VAN JAYNE



ORIGINAL MIX



LIVE ORCHESTRA



And last but not least
THE CHILLOUT MIX...
... you can never have too much of a good thing

Hey I saw Doctor Lovelace yesterday. For the last time ever. Trust that to happen. First time I find a doctor who likes me, who is younger than me, who wants to understand me. Who is sexy. And I have to move out of her catchment area. She found out, by scrolling back through my notes, that I was on methadone and I said I hadn't wanted to tell her because I'd get treated different and she said "but I wouldn't treat you any differently" and I said I know. And now I feel so sad I want to cry. She also told me it is normal for bipolar people to feel high and low in the same day.

Marvellous Ecstasy Reminiscence... What a Wonderful Time We Had...

SUNNY SIDE UP is the club I used to go to on Sunday afternoons at the SW1 Club or the Chunnel Club. It tied with Trade club and Frantic as the most hardcore dance club in London, with most space cadets attending because they'd been on the go all weekend and couldn't come down. So when you got in at 2 or 3pm the crowd were stuck to the ceiling! Other, more sensible people, like me, used to prefer clubbing on Sundays because you could have a great time without losing sleep. Highly convenient.

The inconvenient thing about Trade was that it was a "gay club" (albeit with a very mixed/straight crowd ~ you certainly didn't have to be gay to go there) but I could never find anyone to go with, so I never went. Sunnyside Up was straight. To be honest there's nothing really sexual about any club except a full-on sex club. Or the terrible beer-monster meat-market nightclubs that I'd never bother with anyhow...

The clubs I went to were far more drugsual than sexual, though a nightclub was far more than a venue to get off your tits on Ecstasy. The biggest factors in a Great Night were who was DJing and who was there. The vast majority of the time I used to turn up to clubs on my own (as many, many others did) because when I went to a party the same faces were always there time after time and meeting up first at pubs where nobody really wanted to drink alcohol anyway (drink and E don't really mix) was just a big waste of time. I made so many friends clubbing that I was totally friended out. A person can only have about four or five best friends but I was totally deluged by Fabulous People.

The one single drug that I cannot sincerely say was rubbish, not worth it, a big waste of time etc was Ecstasy, because E was so special. The first time I took remember feeling a great expanding glitter-ball of energy explode from the middle of the dance floor and thinking "this music is so 3D" and that was my first rush. And then I broke out in the most incredible euphoria I'd ever experienced ~ far, far higher and more transcendent than anything you'd ever feel off drink or pot. Ecstasy is the nearest thing to chemical love I have ever experienced. An incredibly deep and intense feeling of empathy and connectedness to all people. Dancing on ecstasy was the first time I ever danced without even knowing it. The whole experience was just like an extended happy dream, but the amazing thing was that you shared this dream with all your friends and all other Chemical Dreamers in the room.

If I ever took E again, I think I'd want to take it with my Mum. (If I asked her, I think there's a chance she'd say yes.) Maybe we could break down years of estrangement and pain with the one drug I've ever found that reliably breaks down inhibitions and barriers and "opens the heart"... We aren't physically estranged. But there's emotional estrangement and I've tried and tried to break through it, writing letters etc., but nothing so far has worked...

But as for drugs, I don't need them any more. All week I've felt good, the same kind of good people snort coke to feel but without the irritability, the jitters, or the cost. Example: the other night I was just lolling around the lounge, as you do, when I felt this incredible rush of star-spangled excitement building up and breaking out and flowing around my heart in rainbows of loveliness. And this was on NO DRUGS AT ALL!! How fantastic is that?

FRANTIC HARDHOUSE ACADEMY 2004
Way after my time but VG nonetheless...



SUNNYSIDE UP: TONY DE VIT/MC K



HARD TRANCE 1998
this is a hell of a lot better than the Tony de Vit mix above...
the best tune is the one coming in around 8 mins 50
yeah!



♢  ♧  ♤ ◘ ♫☺ ♥ ♢  ♧  ♤ ◘ ♫☺ ♥ ♢  ♧  ♤ ◘ ♫☺ ♥ ♢  ♧  ♤ ◘ ♫☺ ♥ ♢  ♧  ♤ ◘ ♫☺ ♥ ♢  ♧  ♤ ◘ ♫☺ ♥ ♢  ♧  ♤ ◘ ♫

Places That Belong To You: Barbra Streisand

THIS is an old post, previously unpublished, recently unearthed from sometime back in June...

PLACES THAT BELONG TO YOU

This is the love theme to the film Prince of Tides, the best movie Babs ever directed and one of the best she starred in (about Tom Wingo (Nick Nolte) the brother of a bipolar poet trying to piece her life together after a serious suicide attempt, he comes to New York hating the city but falls in love with his sister's psychiatrist, played by Streisand). The theme tune is played over and over in the film, but this sung version is never heard. Barbra felt that putting her voice all over it would be too intrusive...

It's a very sad story about lovers who cannot stay together. (Though having seen the film at least three times, I fail to understand why...)

OK I just read the Wikipedia digest of the plot and found out Tom Wingo was MARRIED. No bloody wonder. You see ~ unless something is double-underlined in red someone like me is sure to miss it...

Here's the song:




(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)(☺ © ♨)

I'm Sorry

I NEVER WENT online intending to talk about death. I had nothing in particular to write; I was posting off the top of my head. And all this negativity. Ukh. It's all too much.



One bit of good news: they seem to be about to let Pinky out of the mental unit because she is completely back to normal.


****               Here's another Ave Maria Yes it is Celine Dion... (sorry!)     ***

Rebel Songs

I AM ONLY HERE because I had to go out to get methadone, and the internet cafe is on the way back from the methadone chemist. If I didn't have to go out, I would have gone back to bed already. I feel intensely sad today. I cannot face the world.

But I did find 2 musical gems. I was trawling the world gone by. Who would ever have thought I of all people would grow up into someone who hates the here and now?The past is my one refuge.

These are the 2 musical gems: both by Jeanette:~~

JEANETTE DIMECH
Jeanette singing Soy Rebelde in English: "I'M A REBEL"




JEANETTE: Corazon de Poeta in English
A HEART SO WARM AND SO TENDER




Why are all songs about rebels sad?
Here's Sinead O'Connor: REBEL SONG
~~which would have been better titled ENGLISHMAN



I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE AN OK WEEKEND...

✔ ➝☨+*✔✔ ➝☨+*✔

Today I Met The Only Bipolar Girl I Know

... and she is fantastically beautiful.

I WAS down the Druggieclinic early because I'd gone to bed by midnight and yet somehow managed to awaken at 6am feeling crap.

A single cup of tea was enough to set me off all morning with Anxiety on top of Depression.

My Druggieworker wasn't in and there was no way I was going near the Group Session he always wants me to go to. I've attended the 12 sessions I undertook to do and no way in hell am I going near any groups again, except the legendary Nutter Club ~ the Dual Diagnosis (mental+addicted) support group that my own Consultant Psychiatrist cancelled. I'm writing in to tell him how he has disposed of my one source of support. Throughout Psychotic Break #2 (mid-January) last year Naomi, the group leader, was my single source of any practical help. Without her intervention, I might not even have got diagnosed.

My family, who live 100s of miles away never saw me, only heard me on the phone. Usually in the evenings when my mania was lulling ~ and a lot of online friends who know me via my blog ~ all said a lot of wellmeaning but seriously confusing things. People who knew me and actually saw me were in no doubt that I had completely lost my mind. One friend who hapened to phone me when I was in utter meldtown one morning, drove straight round with his wife, took one look at me leaving the house doing the best sane act I could manage ~ and burst straight into tears! I have absolutely no idea what was so upsetting, because I was feeling fantastic. They wanted to take me back to theirs but I pointed out that I was getting up each morning at 2:30am and wouldn't go back to bed for anyone. The psychiatrist told me after the fact that I should have been in hospital during that period. It's the most seriously ill I have ever been. I just could not help it.

Today I saw the only Drugs Worker who actually seems to care for me. This one comes from Germany. He checked my urine ~ only methadone and "morphine" (heroin) showed up. He kept asking what had gone wrong this weekend because I seemed down in the mouth and I kept saying I was fine. I keep my mouth shut and turn up my lips at the corners, as if half-smiling. I told him how much I'd gone off alcohol. So he added to my notes a breathalyser reading of zero. I told him how pissed off I was to be so anxious. He seemed not to credit how badly a single cup of tea can affect me. So I mentioned how, earlier this year, four cups flipped me out into hypomania, depression and paranoia for half a day. He mooted the idea of counselling but I told him I've had a lifetime's worth of that. I complained how four hours' interviews with the mental health nurse (more than two years ago and before I ever got the "schizoaffective bipolar" label) had left her with the idée fixe that it was some anxiety disorder that was bugging me. Despite my making the repeated point that I'd not had morbid anxiety for over a decade and a half, that I did not feel keyed-up, or a panicky grip round my heart. What I did feel was irritated, angry and overloaded with stress ~ an entirely different syndrome. When I'm anxious I want Valium. When I'm irritated, I don't. She gave me a helpsheet written for the me of twenty years ago! A person who wasted huge amounts of nervous energy turning over the same useless worries all night.

This morning was a tea-induced aberration: I DO NOT HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER. Or a Cluster C Personality Disorder, as she wanted to believe. (I do like that nurse, but she's too clever for her own good.) The personality disorders questionnaires I filled online (always in (hypo)manic states, as I would not ordinarily bother with such crap) said I was schizotypal and borderline! Doesn't mean I have any personality disorder at all. If the symptoms come as episodes, as mine do, it's called an "illness". Personality disorders develop by the late teens, manifesting as constant personal characteristics ~ hence that label: "personality disorder".

Then I mentioned how anxiety pisses me off a hundred times worse than any other symptom ~ extreme depression, "voices", manic meltdown, whatever...How anxiety is taken as a sign of weakness, never ever taken seriously by any doctor and how all sufferers should be shot through the head ~~ purely as an act of kindness. Which is as much as I'm prepared to say on the shameful matter.

Back in the waiting room a beautiful woman appeared. She didn't remember me, but I remembered her. I remember her because we ended up in bed together. (Long story). She is the one person I've ever met outside a clinical setting who has bipolar disorder. I told her what happened to me last year. She went and described my big manic episode for me: completely over-excited and hallucinating/~~ etc. She'd taken a big overdose of her meds at the weekend: 80 risperidone pills. A real recipe for feeling totally shipwrecked if ever there was one...

Then I went out to score heroin. Yes I'm still in thrall to the Killer B. ("B" is what we call Afghan brown.) Now I no longer drink, it's the last of all drugs... And I wish I'd taken Rachel's phone number...


Illustrated: this is the Spanish singer Jeanette Dimech. But she bears more than a passing resemblance to R...

MUSIC:~~~~~~~~

PORQUE TE VAS
Jeanette performs her biggest hit (the title means "Because You're going") at the Eiffel Tower, Paris...



KLF ft. TAMMY WYNETTE: JUSTIFIED AND ANCIENT (STAND BY THE JAMS)
I luuurve this track, it's so entertainingly kitch ~ know what I mean..!



★ ☆ ★ ☆
★ ☆ ★ ☆
★ ☆ ★ ☆
★ ☆ ★ ☆

Madonna's Best Songs

HERE ARE 7 OF THE BEST MADONNA SONGS... she's done so much great stuff, I bet you've forgotten most of them!

YOU'LL SEE (1995)

HUNG UP (2005)


BEDTIME STORY (1995)


WHO'S THAT GIRL (1987)


LIVE TO TELL (1986)
  OH FATHER (1989)   THE POWER OF GOODBYE (1998)   MADONNA'S MESSAGE TO YOUTUBE (2008) ☺

We Are The World 25 For Haiti

THEY SAY the old ones are always the best and I think it's true for this song.

Despite the duet between the late Michael Jackson and sister Janet, and Barbra Streisand's outstanding contribution ~ showing herself effortlessly superior to the younger generation + her peers, the less sugary production doesn't actually suit this song so well...

What do you think?



☺

Music of the Rainforest

THE WEATHER HERE IN LONDON is more like a tropical rainforest today. Hot, sticky, muggy ~ streets splashing wet...

The reason I have been so exhausted, by the way, is that I have been moving around far too much. I used to walk at 4 miles per hour, meaning that if I paced to and fro at that rate I'd ping 16 miles in 4 hours. So I must have walked miles and miles and miles and  most of it in my own house!

My mood has gone down. Dysphoria. Flashes of anxiety. Yet still the headful of pinging ideas!

I keep telling myself I need to go back to the doctor to ask for yet another type of antipsychotic. For all their horribleness and side-effects, and I stopped taking the Seroquel (quetiapine) because it was making me drowsy, exhausted and malaised all the time, they do even out mood swings, halt racing thoughts and calm me down.

Yesterday I felt physically exhausted though my mind was still racing, crammed and crowded with an excess of ideas. I was only a bit hypo. And I'm not entirely sure hypomania is an illness at all! Didn't the French used to call it "manie sans delire" ~ mania without madness...??


Sorry I really wanted to write about something more fascinating than my self self self but I'm running out of time!


I'm also running out of banging tunes to put up. At least ones that are new to me. So here's a classic one:


BINARY FINARY 1998
I haven't got all day to find an absolutely perfect version of this. In a succinct package, this is about as perfect as it gets...



This is the Trance Nation version. The one I originally put up. But it ends suddenly...

 

Why did the typeface suddenly change then??

Here's another mix of the same "song".... give it some time to get going... ukh, i'm not so sure I like this version... a horrible chillout mix. Listen to this if you've no pills and are desperate for something to knock you off to sleep! The proper tune doesn't get going till 3 minutes into it!!

 

Here's another tune I really like, though it's not dance music at all

JESSIE J: PRICE TAG (NOT ABOUT THE MONEY MONEY MONEY)

And all that talk about dysphoria and panic. I feel absolutely fine now. Music is a great therapy. I can get a greater buzz off than anything else ever. Including drugs!!

Why am I talking about drugs? They are infinitely boring.

I haven't taken any drugs except Nytol, which is over-the-counter, in days on end...