Off My Tits on Tea!

I'M SUPPOSED to be keeping a diary of my mood. My mood is intermittently "up". Yesterday I had a single cup of Typhoo tea (I state the brand, in case it comes to light that a case of mass tea-spiking, with cocaine and amphetamines has occurred, because I certainly felt like I was speeding) I was high. Two cups and I was "speeding off my tits". I only kept drinking the tea because (1) I really like tea (2) I really like being high (I only avoid caffeine like the plague when I'm depressed because then, if it does anything at all, it's likely to make me feel horribly anxious and because I consider morbid anxiety to be the worst of all mental conditions, no way in hell will I go near caffeine then!... Anyway by two a.m. I'd had about five cups of tea (spread over the course of the day) and I really couldn't sleep. I went to bed for two minutes, realized sleep was impossible and so get up and spent the rest of the night watching a DVD that I couldn't even remember buying called Against the Wall, about a prison riot and reading the NA Big Book. I started at the decaffeinated coffee but frankly it tastes horrible so I gave that up and went back to bed around six a.m. and slept. But I was up by 11:30 freezing my arse off (literally).

Oh by the way does anyone else wake up repeatedly in the night to see swarms of flies at the curtains? On closer inspection these "flies" turn out to be a swarm of miniature books (hardbacks) flapping their covers merrily to stay aloft! I'm not kidding? Why does this happen to me? Is it because I'm not taking my medication? (I was depressed last week and wanted to induce a mood switch, so intuition told me that drastically reducing the dosage might achieve this and WOW I was right!) Does anyone out there actually think I should be taking psyche meds? Because a lot of people seem to think that I shouldn't. I don't mind hearing voices. I like it. It's like free entertainment beamed direct to the mind. As for visual hallucinations ~ they're always a plus. I mean, think of all those kids spending their hard-earned money on strange pills and trips ~~ and yet I get the effects for free! (Similar efffects, not exactly the same as any drug.)

Well I'm NOT hypomanic. Because ever since getting up I've felt stone-cold "normal". The high mood is intermittent. So har har har to my doctors if you're reading this I'm not mentally ill! (Again.)

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Here's a really good tune:

WATERGATE: HEART OF ASIA

Illustrated: my books fly facing the other way up...

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Real Housewives of Backwards American Healthcare Reprimand

IT'S SO LATE... Real Housewives of Washington DC's about to come on on ITV2+1 and I can't miss it. I really like the braying, posh English gal, Cat, who everyone else thinks is rude, eg because she goes to a wine-pressing session, decides she is bored and instead of being all pathetic, American Washingtonian and full of smiling BULLSHIT, she just says how she finds it and GOES HOME ~ like a normal British person would!

Also I really loved it when she laid into that airheaded Republican blogger about America's frankly primaeval healthcare system ~ saying how uncivilized she found it. And quite right, too! Apart from Guantanamo Bay, what makes me really not respect America is their exclusive, expensive, elitist healthcare system... so bad that people like Anna Grace say they're considering declaring Health Debt Bankruptcy!

I slept a good 12 hours last night and have had just ONE cup of tea and yet here I am all excited about today... though what's to be excited about except Real Housewives ..? ... I have no idea it is SO FREEZING COLD you can literally snap the air like an icicle out there. And I've had to top up the (pay as you go) electricity AGAIN.

Do they have pay-as-you-go electricity in America? BeverlyBabe, please answer me on this point. Also any horror stories about the backwards American health system that flatter my perspective would be much appreciated too XxxXxxX

I LOVE THIS TUNE

CYGNUS X: CLOCKWORK ORANGE THEME



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Ridiculously Cold

IT is FREEZING COLD. I've got the blow-heater on, blowing like crazy. I've managed to switch myself out of depression by cutting DOWN my medication. Now I feel stone cold normal most of the time. Except when I get this weird meaningless feeling of excitement, which is really entertaining. But the main problem is IT'S COLD... FAR TOO COLD! And I'm drinking tea to stay warm and the caffeine makes me hyper and high. So I spent half the night playing All Saints songs on top volume...

here are 2 good tunes:

STREISAND: YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE



ALL SAINTS: BLACK COFFEE




Illustrated: scene from Zao Mountains, Japan, featuring "ice monsters" (snow-encrusted firs)

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Anxiety and "Issues"

I HAVE banged up one bag of Lovely Heroin today and feel no better for it; I have one bag left. And don't even know if I want to take it.

Yesterday I felt horrible in the morning. Depressed and anxious. Then I took heroin and felt fine. All afternoon. Pinky asked if I was hypomanic. Come nighttime I felt OK and phoned my family.

All night long I slept deeply, only awakening once to pee out some of the three litres of lemonade I guzzle each day. I no longer drink alcohol at all.

So I got up at twenty to one feeling sour and blank and confused. Sometimes it pains me just to think.

Pinky has been transferred from mental hospital to burns unit where's she's awaiting surgery. When she set fire to her pyjamas last week, she burnt her leg so badly she needs SKIN GRAFTS. She's right across town so I don't get to see her for a couple of days.

People keep confusing me. The things they say; the things they feel. I don't want to take any of it on board. Eg Pinks talks about me as if I'm seriously ill. I don't like that, and I do not believe it.  If I mentioned it at all in real life, I would say I'm "a bit bipolar" but she says I'm "really bipolar" which is no longer true. There is nothing wrong with me any more. Apart from that I'm my old miserable self.

Dr Lovelace, the GP, says I should not take on the identity of "schizophrenic". I would not want to associate with a condition I do not have anyway. I said my moods are who I am. But mental illnesses are not and never will be "me". Yes in the past I have parrotted ideas that I've read. But psychiatry to me is like a religion: an object of fascination, not belief.

I'm totally off tea. I started feeling panicky earlier today and that makes me feel I should be shot dead. Anxious people are useless people ~ incapacitated by misplaced energy that crushes the heart. I loathe anxiety above every other mental state. If I get anxiety back, I will kill myself. Caffeine makes all this worse. It's just like the after-effects of crack cocaine ~ another drug I loathe.

There is nothing much more to say. If I analysed it, I'd ask myself why I should blog about feeling crap. The only reason is that I would keep a journal anyway. Saying these things in public is confusing enough. I know some people think I should just kill myself.

My blogfriend Bugerlugs, who has a cyclothymic nature anyhow, went on a beautiful two-week break to North Wales but came back not just depressed but panicky on top. I held back my opinion that anxiety is the absolute pits of psychiatry, sheer living hell.

And when her GP prescribed Prozac, I kept quiet on what fluoxetine would do to me: make me agitated, angry and dysphoric and a whole lot worse. My last experience with an antidepressant (mirtazapine/Remeron) was catastrophic. I never want to go near anything like that again. The stuff I'm now on (quetiapine/Seroquel) is for bipolar depression. But it's also antimanic and antipsychotic. So it shouldn't set me off on a psycho episode.

I hope Bugerlugs is OK. She sounds better. Her biggest problem now is a furry pingpongball-with-eyes robo-hamster who's been on the lose for nearly a week. They're tiny, flighty and much faster than normal hamsters. So it's like trying to catch a wild house-mouse. Except roborovskis are even smaller and pingier. And when on the lose, they switch to wild mode and don't want to be picked up.

Ukh. See that theory that distractions improve the mood doesn't work.

I keep thinking about Bugerlugs and what I said about anxiety. When I make these sweeping statements I'm talking about me. If Bugerlugs put a gun to her head I would be gutted. I don't want Bugerlugs to die.

As for this heroin (the other thing Bugerlugs and I have in common, apart from uneven moods) ~ I don't know what to do.

Earlier today, I ended up turning the issue over in my head. Telling myself it is destroying me: I have to make a break from it sometime.

Then I tell myself I will stop tomorrow. But I'm not naïve. When I think I've spent too much money, I'm able to put my fixation on ice for some days. So I've done a few days heroin-clean. But that day, the day that I still have a yen for gear and the money to get it ~ that "tomorrow" never comes.

Last year there were many days when I had the money but not the desire to use. My worker was asking me last week what has changed between now and then but I don't want to talk to some drug-obsessed drug-clinic worker about my mental equilibrium. Last year I had an "elevated" mood for weeks on end. This year I haven't been so high. I tested myself, by using again, and the habit came back. It's nowhere near as intense as it once was, years ago. I can do a day or several days on just methadone without climbing the walls.

And I want, I really do want to be drug-free and that means methadone-free as well.

I'm also aware that heroin is doing my mental wellbeing no good at all. For years it salved my misery. But now, it either switches my mood so I feel higher hours later than when I first took it. Or it does nothing much at all. Whatever it's doing to my brain cannot be good.

For a long time I was averse to methadone because I thought it would damage my brain.

I know what I have to do. That is: to give up all drugs, prescribed and otherwise. Then maybe my brain could be OK.

My family have said that if I leave the drugs ~ all drugs behind, I should be OK. I never used to believe that. Mainly because I wasn't OK before I went on heroin, so I didn't assume I'd be OK afterwards. But I never even had the chance to try Sobriety out ~ never gave myself the chance.

This is my single goal. To live drug-free.

Maybe next year I'll have some news to tell you...

Until then I can't promise not to put up a whole load more miserable posts. Sorry.



Illustrated: I couldn't think up an illustration, so I went abstract; I found this graph by accident but it shows something I've long suspected ~ that heroin is far more popular here in Europe than across the Pond...

MUSIC
I wanted to put up SOMETHING... but what?
This is an old trance classic,
AGE OF LOVE: AGE OF LOVE (JAM & SPOON MIX)
It has a PROPER VIDEO...



✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚✔ ➝☨+✚

Today I Met The Only Bipolar Girl I Know

... and she is fantastically beautiful.

I WAS down the Druggieclinic early because I'd gone to bed by midnight and yet somehow managed to awaken at 6am feeling crap.

A single cup of tea was enough to set me off all morning with Anxiety on top of Depression.

My Druggieworker wasn't in and there was no way I was going near the Group Session he always wants me to go to. I've attended the 12 sessions I undertook to do and no way in hell am I going near any groups again, except the legendary Nutter Club ~ the Dual Diagnosis (mental+addicted) support group that my own Consultant Psychiatrist cancelled. I'm writing in to tell him how he has disposed of my one source of support. Throughout Psychotic Break #2 (mid-January) last year Naomi, the group leader, was my single source of any practical help. Without her intervention, I might not even have got diagnosed.

My family, who live 100s of miles away never saw me, only heard me on the phone. Usually in the evenings when my mania was lulling ~ and a lot of online friends who know me via my blog ~ all said a lot of wellmeaning but seriously confusing things. People who knew me and actually saw me were in no doubt that I had completely lost my mind. One friend who hapened to phone me when I was in utter meldtown one morning, drove straight round with his wife, took one look at me leaving the house doing the best sane act I could manage ~ and burst straight into tears! I have absolutely no idea what was so upsetting, because I was feeling fantastic. They wanted to take me back to theirs but I pointed out that I was getting up each morning at 2:30am and wouldn't go back to bed for anyone. The psychiatrist told me after the fact that I should have been in hospital during that period. It's the most seriously ill I have ever been. I just could not help it.

Today I saw the only Drugs Worker who actually seems to care for me. This one comes from Germany. He checked my urine ~ only methadone and "morphine" (heroin) showed up. He kept asking what had gone wrong this weekend because I seemed down in the mouth and I kept saying I was fine. I keep my mouth shut and turn up my lips at the corners, as if half-smiling. I told him how much I'd gone off alcohol. So he added to my notes a breathalyser reading of zero. I told him how pissed off I was to be so anxious. He seemed not to credit how badly a single cup of tea can affect me. So I mentioned how, earlier this year, four cups flipped me out into hypomania, depression and paranoia for half a day. He mooted the idea of counselling but I told him I've had a lifetime's worth of that. I complained how four hours' interviews with the mental health nurse (more than two years ago and before I ever got the "schizoaffective bipolar" label) had left her with the idée fixe that it was some anxiety disorder that was bugging me. Despite my making the repeated point that I'd not had morbid anxiety for over a decade and a half, that I did not feel keyed-up, or a panicky grip round my heart. What I did feel was irritated, angry and overloaded with stress ~ an entirely different syndrome. When I'm anxious I want Valium. When I'm irritated, I don't. She gave me a helpsheet written for the me of twenty years ago! A person who wasted huge amounts of nervous energy turning over the same useless worries all night.

This morning was a tea-induced aberration: I DO NOT HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER. Or a Cluster C Personality Disorder, as she wanted to believe. (I do like that nurse, but she's too clever for her own good.) The personality disorders questionnaires I filled online (always in (hypo)manic states, as I would not ordinarily bother with such crap) said I was schizotypal and borderline! Doesn't mean I have any personality disorder at all. If the symptoms come as episodes, as mine do, it's called an "illness". Personality disorders develop by the late teens, manifesting as constant personal characteristics ~ hence that label: "personality disorder".

Then I mentioned how anxiety pisses me off a hundred times worse than any other symptom ~ extreme depression, "voices", manic meltdown, whatever...How anxiety is taken as a sign of weakness, never ever taken seriously by any doctor and how all sufferers should be shot through the head ~~ purely as an act of kindness. Which is as much as I'm prepared to say on the shameful matter.

Back in the waiting room a beautiful woman appeared. She didn't remember me, but I remembered her. I remember her because we ended up in bed together. (Long story). She is the one person I've ever met outside a clinical setting who has bipolar disorder. I told her what happened to me last year. She went and described my big manic episode for me: completely over-excited and hallucinating/~~ etc. She'd taken a big overdose of her meds at the weekend: 80 risperidone pills. A real recipe for feeling totally shipwrecked if ever there was one...

Then I went out to score heroin. Yes I'm still in thrall to the Killer B. ("B" is what we call Afghan brown.) Now I no longer drink, it's the last of all drugs... And I wish I'd taken Rachel's phone number...


Illustrated: this is the Spanish singer Jeanette Dimech. But she bears more than a passing resemblance to R...

MUSIC:~~~~~~~~

PORQUE TE VAS
Jeanette performs her biggest hit (the title means "Because You're going") at the Eiffel Tower, Paris...



KLF ft. TAMMY WYNETTE: JUSTIFIED AND ANCIENT (STAND BY THE JAMS)
I luuurve this track, it's so entertainingly kitch ~ know what I mean..!



★ ☆ ★ ☆
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★ ☆ ★ ☆

Cleaner Than My Toilet

YEAH... today I came to this horrible realization: that I have to drop the Big H, the Killer B, heroin, skag, smack, brown number 3, whatever you want to call it. I wasted money I couldn't really afford on a dose just because I had a bellyache, which was almost certainly caused by quaffing down Lithuanian cherry cyder for breakfast... As ye sow, so shall ye reap, you see...

Ever since I hit up many weeks ago, and then found myself feeling hyped up hours later so that I couldn't sleep all night, heroin appears to be having a "paradoxical effect" it never used to have in that every now and then, several hours after taking a dose (if you look it up, heroin is supposed to work for about four hours, this takes place after that time has elapsed) it's helping make me or keep me hypomanic. This doesn't happen every time I take it: if I'm depressed before I use, I usually simply feel less depressed. But if hypomania is crouched around the corner, it seems to be bringing it out of hiding.

I just don't know what's going on any more. I'm on enough of a (mental) health kick to have completely given up caffeine (yet again).

The first time I gave up caffeine I had been suffering from depression, which had mostly faded leaving an ongoing sense of free-floating anxiety (ie anxiety related to nothing in particular). I also happened to be drinking at least five cups of strong tea per day. When I switched to decaffeinated tea, the anxiety quickly vanished.

A few months ago I drank four cups of tea in the space of a couple of hours, after which my mood felt noticably "elevated" (like I'd taken a little bit of speed). As the afternoon pinged past, the caffeine buzz became intertwined with depression, so that I just felt "weird". And then I became really paranoid and terrified that if this feeling didn't go, I'd end up in a mental unit. I really did feel very strange indeed ~ and caffeine seemed to have set off the whole episode. So I now don't drink any caffeine at all. Which makes respectable tea-drinking impossible (because I don't really like decaff tea). The only non-caffeinated, non-alcoholic beverage I can stomach in large amounts is Sainsbury's own lemonade. It's like the lemonade I drank in my childhood. No aspartame or acesulfame-K (unlike Morrisons'). No real lemon juice (which R Whites now add to theirs). Just old-fashioned 1970s style lemonade. Which my dentist would probably reprimand me over... but nobody's perfect. The only other drink I like is chicken and vegetable Cup-A-Soup with croutons (it has to have croutons).

Once I've kicked heroin, I've kicked drugs. There is nothing left, chemical-wise, to inspire me.

I have never promised myself never ever to take another Valium, or sleeping pill, because I don't and never did abuse these. Taking one 10mg diazepam because you're on the verge of a panic attack is no more drug abuse than is taking aspirin for a headache. Whether or not my doctor prescribed it is neither here nor there as far as I'm concerned. The Seroquel I'm on feels like Valium and sleeping pills anyhow. Usually, I get really good sleep on the stuff, which is one reason I don't want to switch to Olanzapine (Zyprexa) like my GP suggested last time I got a refill.

Well this post was written completely off the top of my head, so I hope it's reasonably OK. I have an appointment at the methadone clinic tomorrow and I think I'm going to have to say the unsayable: that me and heroin are finally going to part. It had to happen sooner or later, else there's no point reducing my methadone. The time is coming when using on top is going to completely saboutage my detox. I've given up heroin before. When Britain was in complete heroin drought in late 2010/early 2011 I didn't touch the stuff for weeks on end. Even though I was stupid enough to go back to it, at least I proved to myself that abstainance is possible.

And anyway ~ here's Madonna!

OPEN YOUR HEART
The video seems totally irrelevant to the theme of this song, but hey...



LA ISLA BONITA
One of her best ever tracks...



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Just Another Normally Abnormal Day

I AM WRITING this quickly between the drug clinic and the supermarket. I'm off to buy pasta and Lloyd Grossman even though I haven't much appetite for either. I have been in a bad mood today. But then, of course, in the drug clinic I get babbling away and I'm in an "elevated mood" again. Yes every other day I was going hyper. Then I'd think I felt normal for a day. Though I was still abnormally excitable. Then hyper again.

Then up for 2.5-3 days (no sleep). My sleep has gone so terrible that even when I do get 5 or 6 hours, it feels like nothing and I only know I've slept because the time has vanished. Yesterday I eventually managed to slip off between at about 11am and I stayed mostly asleep till 11pm. And I managed to sleep from about 4am till 9am. So I thought I was doing really well. Until I got up and had been up for a few hours and realized I was feeling hyper again. I really like being hyper by the way. It's way better than feeling "normal", especially when that normal entails feeling run-down, peeved, stressed and exhausted. That is no type of "normal" and I shall never accept it as such. So I'd rather be in an overblown hyper elevated and irritable mood any day of the week. It's just the lack of sleep that starts getting to me. True I may well need less sleep in such a state, but there's insomnia there as well. Otherwise I wouldn't get so knackered out.

Well I still can't eat properly. Last night I ran down the chicken shop to get 2 "strip burgers" and 2 fries for £2. Even though I hate chicken shop and McDonald's style skinny fries I felt I had to eat them because I'd paid for them. So I stuffed half into my face and felt instantly nauseated. Then I managed one burger over the span of about 4 hours. Then, as I say I fell asleep after 4. And managed the second strip burger in the morning. I really wasn't in a good mood. And my methadone feels like it isn't holding me. So the duty druggieworker said I should take just a one week script for 18mg methadone and try to use nothing at all on top of it, because the way it's declining now, heroin is just going to mess it up. I only bought heroin this morning because I had money and a bad, bad mood. Being as I cannot even "use" coffee (or tea) nowadays because they are just too destabilizing, I suppose I cannot use heroin either. I gave up caffeine entirely about 15 years ago, by the way, because I thought it was doing me no good. And surprise surprise the free-floating anxiety I had nearly all the time VANISHED. Which has really put me off habitual tea-drinking ever since. (It was strong tea I was on, not even coffee.) Also there was at least one time when a few cups of coffee seemed to completely flip me out (though I was in psychotic mania at the time). And another when four cups of tea (over a good 2-3 hours) made me hyper and high, then weird and high and depressed at once and then pretty paranoid so that I felt like a mental hospital inmate. And I thought: no. And people wonder why I don't want to go near crack!

I've got another doctor's appointment this week and I'm going to have to ask for something for anxiety and sleep. Severe anxiety is one symptom I just cannot put up with. At least when you're depressed into catatonia a doctor will take that seriously. Anxiety is taken as a sign of weakness. Doctors NEVER take it seriously. I remember a patient at the mental hospital who had severe generalized anxiety (no depression). He was so obviously suffering; he was frozen in fear. Yet one other inmate in particular said he "wasn't a proper nutter" because he wasn't acting out (ie wasn't bipolar manic like the person who said this). And the staff gave him precisely NOTHING. Most certainly because he didn't make enough of a pain of himself.

Well I've got to go. Normal shcnormal. What is "Normal" anyhow? It's something I've never wanted to be. Thank you Anna Grace for writing a post just for me. And cheery-bye everyone...


★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺

16:45 JUST FOR YOU BEVERLY BLEACHED BLONDE BEACH BABE
MADONNA: LUCKY STAR
listen to that voice ~~ a classic from her "Minnie Mouse on Helium" period~!
~~~~~~~and doesn't Madge look young!!!!!!!~~~~~~~


★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆ ★ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺