Saturday, 3 November 2012

Back Home at Last!

YESTERDAY evening I had the bizarre feeling that I was "normal" again. My head was full of rational thoughts and I looked back to my ridiculousness of the past week or so and thought "I'm glad to be myself again". I felt like when you come back from holiday and your house is cold and stale (and in my case, foetid) but hey, it's home! So I'm back at last. [From alleged "hypomania".]

Binky lent me the film A Beautiful Mind starring Russel Crowe as the schizophrenic Nobel Prize winning mathematician John Nash. O boy was he crazy! His entire life seemed to be a fable and then when the doctors come to arrest him I actually thought they were the KGB! Just like the director probably intended. I've never gone mad like that ~ that's paranoid schizophrenia, where a person has an entire delusional structure they live by. My worst madness was far more Confusional than Delusional.

At one a.m. I finally went to bed. And slept. And slept. And woke up at nine feeling "ukh why so early". Except that 1-9 made a perfect eight hours' sleep... But then I drank my methadone and went into the kitchen and spotted something that looked like a Rice Krispie on the microwave but ~ wahey! ~ it was a lump of "B". So I banged that up in my leg and promptly fell asleep. And slept, and slept. And slept and slept and slept. And slept some more. Finally getting up after four. And no, I wasn't gauwching, It was true sleep. A Rice Krispie sized bit of 'eroin would never get me that high. Actually, that stuff doesn't even make me sleep any more. Nowadays if it makes me "high" it's a hyper high, like heroin isn't "supposed" to be. But I've got to the stage now where my mind is so fried I never know what to expect of anything.

Excessive sleep is a warning sign of depression. How can I be depressed when my mind is still full of such marvellous ideas ~ all thought up last week. And apart from some of the names for my clubnight they are marvellous. I mean, I haven't even told you about my fabulous magazine yet. Condé Nast will piss their pants when they see it. The key to success in magazine publishing is obviously ad revenues. I think that's where Andy Warhol went wrong: he never seemed to have a top flight ads team for Interview magazine ~ and I bet he was too stingy to pay them a cut of revenue. Well my mag will be nothing like Interview. Imagine the fabulousness of Vogue but without the boring clothes and you've got it. [You really think I'm going to give out my concept on my blog?] Bulgari, Van Cleef & Arples, Cartier, Tiffany all the big names will be queueing to get in ... It will be for everyone male or female, young or old who is Fresh, Fabulous, Funky and Friendly... the Big Wow of tomorrow...

Anyway... It's late; I've got to go. It's getting dark around 4:30 now the clocks have gone back. But hey, my golden fleece still gleams wondrously in the night...


bugerlugs63 said...

I'd say that sort of excessive sleep is a sign of having banged up a rice krispie size bit of gear, rinsed down with methadone, before you've properly woken up (!) . . . Also there's possibly some sleepers in the gear.
I know what you mean by returning to "normal" and everything looks a bit dull, rather like coming down, which it is in a way.
O well, as long as your fleece is Lenored and twinkling, all is well.
With love, as always x

Gledwood said...

I don't know whether it was the rice krispie or not ~~ I never know what's doing anything these days. All I can say is a rice crispie would never have gauwched me out all day, not after sleeping all night ~~ at least not recently. As I say it's been doing the OPPOSITE to gauwching me. So my brains are just fried. Nobody else gets hyper off their gear, just me. So I'm a real Cognitive Pan Fried Mushrooms these days!

Hey I have kept my washing back all weekend so I could deluge it with extra Lenor at the back-end of the wash. (I have to sit by the machine watching German telly in order to do this...) I've found a wash called Cool n Clear (something like that) which only goes for 19 mins and doesn't bother rinsing or spinning properly and after that one my clothes reek REALLY STRONG!!

Akelamalu said...

How can injecting B and drinking methadone be normal????? You really need to get off that shit Gleds. :(

Father Cameron McReilly from Glasgow said...

How can ye say ye dunnae know whether ye got high off year rice kruspie? If one rice kruspie's enough tae make ye go tae sleep all day, ye want tae thank year lucki stars ye did'nae eat a whole bowl full!

Gledwood said...

AKELAMALU: I don't know which is most abnormal. I'd say methadone ~ as when I went ON methadone I gave UP on life.... But then again heroin wasn't exactly good for me. I just want off all of it for all time but when will it ever happen?


KansasSunflower said...

Hmmm..not too knowledgeable in the drug world at all. If you're on methadone, and if a rice krispie means you took heroin, it's not supposed to work, right? If not, then what is the purpose of methadone - to bypass the withdrawals from stopping? If you go to all the trouble to take methadone, well, don't take heroin, but I guess that sounds too simple and again, I have NO IDEA what I'm talking about!!! : )

What did you think of A Beautiful Mind? At first I loved it, but after thinking about it for quite awhile, it made me mad. In essence, the story was saying he was so much better WITHOUT medication (although what they had for it back then was probably awful), and that he just "willed" himself better. He learned to deal and live with it. For most people, that just won't work, you know? I think it actually sent the wrong message to many mentally ill people, but at the same time, it was quite inspiring. : )