WE GOT REPRIMANDED by the police yesterday for having our front door swinging open. It was only wide open because somebody had forced the lock. The lock had been forced (I believed) because the landlord had changed it the day before and not everybody appeared to have got the new key. So she took my details as I stood there all bleary in my pyjamas (horrible red tracksuit bottoms full of cigarette holes). Though I did have yellow Marks & Spencer cotton rich socks on, so that completed the designer look. I heard a sharp tapping, right on my door, and police-type radio sounds and talk. You can always tell the police, even before you set eyes on them.
Then TODAY when I was just leaving yet another policeman accosts me saying did I know next doors got done yesterday and did I know anything ...? Well yes I DID because this evening some timewaster turned up banging on the windows and moving the wheely bins around. I know me moved the bins because I heard them. This one was doing the "I used to live here and I'm expecting a letter" number and I was too dozy to say "what's your name and I'll check for you". Because the kind of house I live in nobody usually WANTS to break into. They want to break out!
So he seemingly checked through his post and took a letter and pissed off. Why do I have to deal with these people? Someone else can answer the door next time.
Which reminds me, just in case somebody does break in, I need to invest in superglue, padlocks and chains. So after I've knocked him unconscious he wakes up chained to the radiator and stuck to the floor!