Still Deaf

I HAVE been forced to go to the methadone chemists yet again while feeling like crap. I took 10mg about 7am. Got up at 9, when the methadone should have been working . On a bad day, methadone takes two and a half hours to work. Yet another reason why I think it is CRAP. The clinic still insist that on the days I pick up methadone ~ Monday-Wednesday-Friday that I should drink that day's dose under supervision, like a big baby or a criminal, even though I'm taking the next day's dose home. This means I have to split the unsupervised doses in half, so I'm not running with disgusting sweat when I have to make the ridiculously long trek to the obscure pharmacy this backward clinic insist I go to.

Today it was raining and I felt like crap. The methadone just doesn't feel like it's holding me properly and I don't see that the recent 25mg to 20mg reduction "should" have anything to do with this. When I was on heroin alone I could easily cut the daily dose in half with no ill effects. Why should methadone be any different? O yeah , I know: because methadone is CRAP.

I'm still deaf. My ear is no better. If there was any improvement yesterday, it was marginal, and it seems to have got worse since. If it's no better by tomorrow I'll have to make another doctor's appointment pre-emtively for the end of the week. As much to get a second opinion as anything else.

Being deaf isn't all bad. In fact I was thinking of plugging my good ear just to even it out. I don't miss anything that seems important in not catching what people are saying. Most of what most people say most of the time is mostly crap, anyhow.

Well I'm off now to wallow in more misery. I read the quetiapine (Seroquel) side-effects leaflet again last night: not only does it warn it can make suicidal ideation WORSE in the short-term (quetiapine is a treatment for bipolar depression, mania and schizophrenia) but that i t may interact with what they call "medicines for an infection (like erythromycin or clarithromycin). So whether or how it interracts with the neomycin in my ear spray, i do not know.

I had terrible problems from using a simple miconazole athelete's foot spray. Azole fungicides are another class of contraindicated medication. Miconazole on top of quetiapine made me so ill I stopped taking the quetiapine altogether.

 If you're wondering why I feel the need of an antipsychotic when I'm not psychotic it's because I do still get the symptoms at a low grade, and because it's supposed to prevent further episodes and because it's the only antidepressant I know that I can tolerate. Normal antidepressants like Prozac and Remeron/Zispin (mirtazapine) if they don't make me severely agitated, send me sky high into mania, which is not what antidepressants are supposed to do.

As for this ear, I don't expect it ever to get better. I'm starting to hate ears and everything about them. And that's that.



Illustrated: normal ear and middle-ear infection compared. My problem is with the outer ear, as far as I know, because it's on the outer side of the eardrum...