Wednesday, 9 January 2013

An Average Day (Sorry I cannot think up a more fascinating title than that...)

MY UNSUPPORTIVE SUPPORT WORKER called at the end of office hours to tell me he's closing my case. See I knew he saw me as a lazy timewaster. I did point out there's a whole sheaf of unresolved poll tax bills from my old house (where they kept altering their bills, then wrote them all off, then billed me again) but in fairness, if I did even mention these bills I certainly never pressed the point. I don't think about council tax or bills of any kind. Hence my failure to mention them, even though he asked me what assistance I needed.  I haven't paid the gas bill in 6 months since I  moved in. But they've altered it from estimated to actual billing, thereby cutting it to a third. All I owe in 6 months is £21 ($33.66).

I haven't seen Binky in a few days. She said something that really annoyed me the other day, also I can't face visiting a mental unit, even though it is easy to get to. The patients are nowhere near as disturbed as last time. Because I was a bit "up there" (on a hyper) last week, she introduced me to the one manic patient on the ward and we had a ridiculous conversation about what a brilliant illness it was. Or indeed not an illness. I'm not sure what I think about that now.

At least two people (neither of whom were mental patients) have mooted the idea that methadone could be poisoning my mind, hence my mood swings. More and more I'm starting to think they're right. My biggest reason against taking methadone daily always was that I suspected it could damage my brain. For years I just couldn't bear to stick to a methadone script because I felt so suicidally depressed on it. A profound state of misery where I just sat around doing nothing all day and could barely be bothered to follow a television programme. (Maybe methadone is a government plot, to get junkies so depressed they kill themselves.) I don't know what to do except get off that crap as fast as I can.

Sorry I know I sound like a stuck record. But it IS my new year's resolution to get OFF METHADONE (wahey!!)  I don't know what else to say. O cripes I'm running out of time NIGHT NIGHT!

1 comment:

Old Mother Crack Pot said...

I am sure all drugs damage the brain, dear. That's why I suggest you get off them, and fast. I won't even take aspirins these days. You never know what else they're putting in them...