Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Epic Escapes from Communist East Germany

FINALLY I'm getting my money's worth from German telly. Several of the channels are doing a season on life in communist East Germany. My favourite programme was one that told in detail how the "inner German border" and Berlin wall were fortified and how people managed to escape.

Outside Berlin the border consisted of a strip of grass several hundred metres wide with watchtowers overlooking a fence no higher than many people have in their back gardens. The problem was that the "lawn" was strewn with two million Soviet mines. One day, a pair of East German border guards spotted a group of West Germans at the fence. They strolled over and shared cigarettes and beer. They were only half-way back when ~ BANG! ~ both were blown up by a mine. The border guards, who were basically teenage boys in the year between school and college, hadn't even known the mines were there. The West Germans climbed through the fence and fearlessly ran across the mine-field and carried the injured guards back through the fence, where they took them to a West German hospital. Despite having attained "freedom", both insisted they wanted to be returned to their own country...

The best story was about a group of people who made their own hot air balloon, which flew them to within 600 feet of the border only to run out of fuel and crash-land. So they make another even bigger balloon and actually do make it to West German soil. Disney made a film about it titled Night Crossing.

I'VE DECIDED to give up the heroin yet again. I know you've heard this time and again. But I'm far too psychologically dependent on it because it's the only thing that raises my mood. Alcohol doesn't. I've had three drinks in the past three weeks ~ half-litre cans of Lithuanian Fizz brand cyder. I only used to buy it because they drown out the taste of alcohol with overpowering cherry flavouring.

I'm terrified I'll plummet right down to the darkest abyss of depression, because I've been feeling bad for a month now, and it's been steadily getting worse. Dr Lovelace said I seemed broadly the same as two weeks ago and today I probably was. But I felt terrible at the weekend and have too much experience of low moods to be taken in by a two-day, probably heroin-induced, improvement.

I know I'm going to feel like crap, but I just have to grin and bear it. I have to live the rest of my life without illicit drugs and I'm going to have to start some time. So that time might as well be now...


Bev said...

If it does you so good to bad you cant get it in a prescription.
Im not sure i would like it or not.I dont think I would thouh.
German tv sounds intersting.
I dont really like any drugs or medicine.Ive tried many but I just felt doped up.
I know a lady addicted to laxatives and you dont want to sit beside her.
What kinds of things make you happy?
Does the doctor really determine what mood your in?
I wish I could send you happiness because I would.When ever I have enough myself.
Kisses for you with mustard and ketchup.Make sure you have a napkin.I had a frank so my kisses are a little messy right now.Right over my top lip.
What color lip stick do you like?

Gledwood said...

"I know a lady addicted to laxatives and you dont want to sit beside her."

Is this true?? Or are you just joking?

Next time you don't know what to post PLEASE put up full details about the farts/shitting etc.

What colour lipstick? Scarlet. Especially when it leaves lip-prints everywhere ;-)

Anonymous said...

I can only recommend slow release morphine....For the cost of 3 bags you could have an amount lasting all week which would cover the methedone AND whatever you are taking on top....My clinic isnt taking on new patients for a while but there are others.I thought Id be on it for life but here I am reducing and wanting to be clean and all because I am treated like an adult.This would really help you....The NHS DDUs have a worse success rate at getting people clean than a control group which has no help at all and they treat you like a subhuman.Every other patient Ive met at my clinic who has morphine maintenance says it has changed their world, they are happy and they have a proper life.Please try Gledwood.Id like to see you happy.

Gledwood said...

Supposedly morphine is available on the NHS but you'd have to really argue your case to get it.

If I can get it I will go on it.

If I won the lottery I would go straight down the private clinic that I know would give it as a 1st line treatment just because I asked for it. To be honest I don't see why I should have to fucking beg and plead for something that I know would work x10 better and be about x5 easier to get the fuck OFF ~~ which in the short and long terms is all I want from the crappy "alternatives" clinics give.

Regarding methadone "therapy" I feel I was never given a proper chance re any of my scripts. What I needed was injectables. I know myself well enough to know that if I was given a proper script that actually sorted me out I would be very willing to stick to it and not use on top. But methadone is no true substitute for banging up gear. And I kept telling them how lousy I felt without gear in my system on just methadone and nobody ever ever listened. One nurse, who used to be my worker and so could have done something about this, said "ooo there might be some underlying depression"... and then went on to do absolutely ZILCH about it.