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Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Shrinking in the Night

I WAS GRIPPED by an attack of terrifying illness last night. Basically I hadn't been drinking and I wasn't high ~ well, I was no higher than usual ~ and yes I had taken heroin a couple of hours before... But suddenly I came over all nauseous and dizzy and when I closed my eyes my body was shinking, so I took to biting my thumb nail and yet my thumb was huge and I felt completely unreal. So I went to look in the bathroom mirror and I was pale and fabulous. I looked so much better than normal ~ so maybe I was hallucinating~? Then I had to take a bucket to bed just in case I puked.

I lay in bed, trying to enjoy feeling ill (well I did used to enjoy being sick as a kid, ya know ~ so I could skip school and everything), but it was an uphill battle. I'm just too old to revel in sickness. And yet Anna Grace calls me a complete hypochondriac!

Because I hadn't slept on Monday and wasn't inclined to sleep last night, I woke up incredibly late. After about one thirty. It was most inconvenient. And I kept thinking about that vulgar name I had thought up for my club night and I felt really guilty and contrite for being so vulgar and crass. But can I say in mitigation that the names were the product of an extended brainstorming session and obviously most of what you brainstorm will fall flat. I think the best one I came up with was Hillary Pillory, but I probably couldn't use that, because people would think I was taking about ecstasy pills...

Here's what I said to Beverly on the subject:


I just read that again and thought you were talking about an old friend named Sandra. Who was coming visiting! Man I can be so slow at times!

I mean, I read it the first time and fully understood, I read it a second and I'm up a gum tree! What is wrong with me?!

This is my 2nd attempt at commenting because I left half a sentence out and the old comment was just crap. Ha!

Can you think up a good name for my nightclub? I posted up a rude one on my blog and probably everybody will hate me because of it. Maybe "Slutbox" would be better... what am I saying I hate names of bands etc with sordid sexual references you know like Courtney Love's "Hole" it's just so trashy and amoral and tasteless. I need to think up something fabulous and was joking about "Gnome Brigade" and "Itchy Swine" but what CAN
I call it???

It's always been an ambition of mine to have my own club night. Also I want to release a record, appear in a French film (it must be a speaking part)... and do loads of other things nobody would really believe of me...


I wonder what it was that happened to me last night? I felt kind of mentally and physically ill at the same time. And why do these things happen to me? I mean, it's happened to me a few times this year: my physical, mental and energy bodies become misaligned and distorted in space... what is that? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

When this happens and you're half asleep it's called hypnogogia ~ but it happens to me when I'm wide awake. Is that why the doctors call me schizo?

Oh by the way, don't worry about my shrinking. My clothes still fit, so I can't be that much smaller than before...

*******



THIS IS A SPECIAL VIDEO FOR ANNA GRACE
who is having doggie troubles, because she thinks her Porkshire has cancer and is dying and I can't think up a single nice or friendly or reassuring thing to say to her

The short film tells the story of HachkŨ, the most faithful dog of all time, whose owner died and yet he turned up at the railway station every evening for ten years, waiting waiting waiting for him to come back... and eventually they meet up in Japanese paradise or the Buddha Fields to remain together for all time...




12 comments:

Father Sylvester said...

My poor child, it sounds like you are possessed by demons!

Gledwood said...

Do you really think so? I bet next you're going to offer me exorcism ... at a price of about £5000..?!?

Father Sylvester said...

I would never ask £5000 for an exorcism. A token fee of just $25,000 US is all I would request of you, my poor lost child.

Bev said...

Cheese I never know what to expect when I come here.
Dont fall for that priest Gledwood.Hes out to rob you!
I cant watch the dog video stuff like that gets my water works going.
Anna didnt take my comments I hope shes okay.XoXopeanut butter kisses.sloppy but worth the mess

Gledwood said...

Beverly: but you HAVE to watch the doggie. He's so faithful and furry with cute Japanese doggy eyes...

And as for you Father Sylvester I suppose you're going to tell me the $25,000 is for the church roof next..?

Bev said...

I watched it and it is beautiful.Real beautiful!

Father Sylvester said...

No, my dear child. My exorcism fee only partly covers the heavy expenses for the job. E.g. flying first class to the Vatican library to look up ancient texts on how to actually do it. A presidential hotel suite for while I'm there (it could take many weeks to uncover the most reliable Exorcism Rites of the Undead)... The price of eating at top restaurants in Rome. Dry cleaning and new robes for when you projectile vomit over the old ones. And a neck-brace for you when you rotate your head 360 degrees.

There are many, many hidden costs, my child. And the church needs a new roof too!

Gledwood said...

Bloody hell Father S you certainly know how to spend the dosh! Haven't you heard of coach-class travel and single rooms..?(!)

Gledwood said...

Oh, Father S, and when in Rome, do as the Romans do ~ they eat in Burger King!

Gledwood said...

PS Father S can I just add ~ if you don't even KNOW HOW TO DO IT, why are you so obsessed with getting $25,000 for an exorcism you've never even tried before..?!?

Father Sylvester said...

Oh my dear child, I sense a demonic fury in your comments. You need to calm yourself and fast, before you get carried away by your Legion. (That means calm yourself and go on a ritual fast. But you need to instrument this quickly!)

As for my "not knowing" how to exorcise a demoniac such as yourself, may I apologize. My previous comment was dictated via my housekeeper Mrs Blythe, who is far more au fait with high technology than I. Unfortunately, however, she is deaf as a post, so part of my comment got "lost in translation" shall we say...

I am proud to be able to tell you that I have conducted well over two dozen exorcisms in my long and tricky career. But in your difficult case I fear that only a thorough rummage through the deepest vaults of the ancient manuscripts section of the Vatican Library could hold out any likelihood of a cure.

I pray, dear child, that you will open your ears, just as my housekeeper does, and turn your life in the correct direction. Turn to the Light!

A small token fee of $35,000 is all I ask...

Gledwood said...

O hi father S, I'll get back to you JUST AS SOON as I get that lovely fat $35,000 together... ps is it my imagination or are you asking for more each time...?
...(!!)...!