I left for the chemist at 9am. Got there in menopausal sweats. I had to take refuge in the library. There was a man in here earlier, slumped over in an armchair, snoring heavily. He was sternly reprehended by two members of staff on two separate occasions. I made sure I got a front row seat for the second reprimand when he was ordered to leave under threat of the police.
Two hours have passed (I wrote this at 11:20). The methadone is working. The sweats have gone. My mind is about as crystal clear as it ever gets. I can focus on books, magazines, etc, once again.
By the way, I blame my mental condition on methadone. For years heroin flattened my mood and relieved depression; the second I dumped it in favour of methadone in late 2010 I was floridly manic and hearing voices! Whether or not the methadone actually causes these mood swings seems almost immaterial; the fact is there are other opiate substances that could be prescribed that can and will attenuate them. Frankly I consider that brain-dead drug clinic's continuing compulsion to prescribe methadone instead of something less harmful and less addictive, like morphine pills, nothing short of clinical negligence!
I was so exhausted, not to mention bored, in the early hours of the morning that I seriously considered popping a Seroquel. For all its other crimes, that stuff does zonk me out. In fact that was one of the problems of being on it; it left me feeling half-dead most of the time.
My main passions at the moment are to finish that dratted children's story that seems to be dragging on and on, and to think up a way of acquiring an keeping a whole flock of lovebirds (well, 4 would do, or even 2 or 1 ~ the man in the bird shop says you CAN keep a single lovebird, especially if you let it out to flutter all over the place and ride your shoulder ~ then it falls in love with YOU!)
Does anybody know of any good ways of losing weight? I'm right at the upper end of my ideal weight range (approx 200 lbs, 14 stone or very roughly 90 kilos) and feel like becoming stick-thin again.
I went all day yesterday on just one stick of garlick bread (+ 2 cans of cyder). I had the other garlic bread stick at 7am. Being as I barely ever do anything at all, my body should not NEED thousands of Calories. Which reminds, me, I must buy 2 litres of Morrisons' 55p lemonade...
I just read in a book titled The Diet Delusion that the overweight tend to consume a greater proportion of their energy in the form of carbohydrates than the thin. I pretty much live on pasta. Luciano Pavarotti attributed his own tubbiness to pasta. Cripes, I think I had better add smoked fish to that shopping list. Just the thought of fish makes me feel starving hungry. But I'm going to hold off eating it all day. When I was thin, I used to feel vaguely hungry all the time, and enjoy it. The feeling of power and control I got from habitually under-eating made all the hunger worthwhile. Plus I just got used to it. (Both eating less and feeling distantly hungry pretty much all the time.) I still weighed a good 9.5 stone (133 lbs/60kg) back then (in the late 90s) so I was hardly "anorexic". My point is, if you really want to get thin, I've found you must go on a perma-diet, consuming only savoury food and no sweets, and as little of that food as possible. And if you do feel pain, you must learn to enjoy it. If ANYONE has any diet tips and advice for getting and staying as thin as possible for as long as possible... PLEASE TELL!!
APOLLO: DANCE (DS MIX)
when I was in my "expansive" mood this got me as high as a kite... it's the ONLY music from that period ~ all of 2 days ago ~ that still sounds good to my ears now...