Wednesday, 2 May 2012


IT'S NOT A BREAST CLINIC it's general surgery outpatients I'm supposed to get to first thing tomorrow morning. I'm pretty glad about that. I thought I'd end up in a room full of women hiding myself behind Hello magazine.

Still the prospect of surgery fills me with a faint fear. The painkillers won't work, because I'm on methadone. I have "elevated tolerance" to opiates. Doctors love that word Elevated. Elevated tolerance. Elevated mood. Everything about me is elevated. Including my hight. I'm fairly tall. I'm not in an elevated mood now though. I've been feeling severely irritable for ages, plus depressed. Today I'm not in any mood, except one of creeping trepidation.

Surely they won't keep me in for surgery on the very same day?? That will really mess up my methadone collections. If I can't get out of the hospital for early evening Friday there's a good chance I'll miss that day and won't be allowed my weekend pick up. Also I'm broke until Friday. Barely a pot to piss in. Yes this is partly due to drug abuse. Partly due to not being able to manage my money. I have to save up bus fare to get back from the hospital. If I do get hacked open I'm not WALKING back all bandaged up with bruises on my neck from the drips.

I can't afford to phone the methadone clinic and ask for any special treatment. My talktime is down to £1.50. Everything hangs on Friday when I should get money early because of the Mayday bank holiday (that's a public holiday to those of you on foreign shores). Maybe the hospital will let me use their phone.

(Another reason I'm broke is that someone who's lent as well as borrowed in the past and is usually 100% reliable, borrowed £20 he can't pay back till Monday when I won't need it. The DWP have left him hanging penniless for THREE WEEKS because he's being transferred from Terminal Decrepitude Benefit to State Pension and that's what they do to people...)

Ukh. I'm really not looking forward till tomorrow. Last time I was in that hospital I walked past oncology and felt ever so glad I wasn't due to walk through THAT door. Just past oncology, in the humming bowels of the building was nuclear medicine ~ even scarier! The sign had a picture of an atom on it, just to freak out new patients even more!

I've got to go I only shelled out for half an hour in this place and am about to be terminated. I'll let you know whether I still have 2 nipples by Friday.



 Yes I KNOW I have terrible taste in music. I'm OLD.

Illustrated: my personality, even though my name's not Yvonne; a scary atom as used on the nuclear medicine sign


Furtheron said...

good luck with it - if that is the right thing to say to someone in your situation - I never really know the right thing to say but anyway - *sends good vibes in your direction*

Akelamalu said...

I hope everything goes well Gleds. The hospital will let you use their phone and will possibly arrange transport home after your surgery if you explain your circumstances. I'll be thinking about you. xx

Bev said...
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bugerlugs63 said...

Gw, Even though you're going to out-patients surgery, it does not mean that they will operate there and then. These things have to be scheduled. It does not mean that it's cancer either, even if it's a cyst it will have to be removed. You do get carried away . . . I thought I was good at that, but you're even "better".
It will probably be removed under local anaesthetic in a couple of weeks, unless they consider it urgent.
If, by the slightest chance they did keep you in . . . Your script would be transferred to the hospital. They would phone the chemist and arrange that. I know this as I went for a routine ante-natal once and found out I had pnuemonia (they kept me in). They will deal with all of that. Do not worry.
The appt could be for a biopsy to see what it is made up of. Please try not to worry, it won't change anything, at least you're dealing with it, and will know more by Friday. Thinking of you, with love x

Syd said...

I hope that all goes well. You will likely not have any major surgery until it is determined what the nodules are. Rest easy, Gleds.

annadingdong said...

Hi gleds,as bugerlugs said,don't worry too much about your script,if they keep you in they are supposed to give you wotever medication you are prescribed.They might also be awfully prejudiced and arseholish towards you,but that comes with the territory of being a junkie...no matter.Apart from that i don't know wot to say.umm,get well soon might not be wot you want to hear lol..i know that awful feeling you describe,i felt it too when i got clean and i think it fades with time once your own chemistry normalises after years of extra chemicals.If you persevere,it will get better.xxxxx

Gledwood said...

Thank y'all. Surgery wasn't even MENTIONED. I'm determined to have it if this unwanted tit doesn't vanish double-quick, but I might have to have a row with the doctor about that. Ukh.

Gledwood said...

Mentioned by him that is. It was certainly mentioned by me and he said an operation "wouldn't necessarily be necessarily"... in his dreams!

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Jacob said...
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