Wednesday, 30 May 2012

My Self-Destructive Friend

I HAD to go to the doctor's this morning, where my previously infected and injured big toe nail, which had been opening on a hinge like a trapdoor finally fell off in front of her face. The doctor looked like she was going to be sick. I put the huge yellow nail in my pocket, but soon discarded it, when I realized how disgusting it stank.

I am back on the antipsychotic Seroquel (quetiapine). I "only" took 100mg last night, but was so knocked out this morning it was a struggle to get to the doctor for more. The maximum dose, by the way, is 800mg ~ and I'm meant to be on 200. How anyone can function on 800 I've no idea. My friend Pinky is on 750mg plus the antidepressant mirtazapine (Remeron) plus clonazepam (Klonipin), a Valium-type drug for anxiety, plus zopiclone for sleep!

Looking around at the half-cleared, half-sorted mess of my life of my house, I'm not surprised I hadn't the drive or energy to finish. It's hard enough for me to motivate myself anyway ~ without a treatment that is worse than the disease.

My friend Greg Arious has been behaving in a distinctly antisocial manner since breaking up (yet again) with his girlfriend of 16 years. He has shaved his head, revealing numerous slashes, gouges and slice-marks. He looks like a thug now. I told him it would look better when it grew a bit. Yesterday he was drunk  to near-incoherence by 1pm. And I'd only come to deliver more alcohol. His poor dog, who he loves, looked terrified. I left very quickly. I've never seen anyone drink as heavily or as quickly as Greg. Some days he seems to get through nine litres of strong white cyder at 7.5% ABV. That's 67.5 alcoholic units. More than double the recommended weekly limit in one day. I cannot sit by watching somebody destroy himself. In fact the reason I so often don't want to go round is the Demon Drink. I'm not sure this friendship will last much longer.

The world is still boiling hot. At least London is.

Now I have to go. I'm going to try and make mixed salad from chopped cucumber, spring onions and tomatoes with spinach, watercress and rocket leaves. I just hope I don't poison myself like last time, when I caught roaring diarrhoea for days afterwards...

  Do you want 2 hours of music that will go on and on? This set is from DJ Ernesto (whoever that is) back in 1994. If the beginning is anything to go by, it's far too intellectual for my taste, but there you go...

OK I get why it's so intellectual now: it's from the radio, not an actual clubnight. That explains everything. The track exactly 20 minutes into it is good.


bugerlugs63 said...

Hi Gledwood, I'm not sure why you're back on the anti-psychotics.
The heat saps enough energy, without pills and white cyder . . . unless of course one has built up a tolerance to them. (Greg and Pinky?)
Salad sounds good I love not having to "cook" for the kids on these hot days . . . different versions of buffet and salad keeps them happy.
I can't listen to "dance/rave whatever you want to call it" music, without wanting to do E's . . . I suppose "they" would call it a trigger.
N/A tonight . . . and I'm ready for Mr. "you deserve all you get and more" Arsehole . . . especially if he speaks with his gob full the whole way through the meeting again . . . I'll report back later.
Enjoy the sun and salad (rinse it first) . . . Take good care, with love x

Akelamalu said...

What happened to your toe nail? Mine came off recently after I injured it at the gym a few months ago. I'm hoping it will grow back quickly so I can paint my nails again.

Syd said...

Take it easy, Gleds. Some friendships are just destructive. I hope that Greg gets off the high amount of booze. Alcohol poisoning isn't pretty.

Gledwood said...

Bugerlugz: I felt guilty about not being on them when I was "supposed" to be and need to know whether I'm OK on quetiapine or need to find yet another one. Just in case I start going really mental and really NEED something quick

Akelamalu: I stubbed it, with (cheap) trainers on, on a metal security door to a block of flats and it dislodged the nail a bit and put a huge pus-infection under it, then once the infection had cleared (I barely dared look, it was so horrible) it was opening up like a trapdoor!!

Syd: it's terminal alcoholic liver disease I'm worried about. He doesn't seem to care. Then again he probably doesn't know how horrible it is...

karl said...

Gledwood, I love dance music, I love dancing all night & into the sunset, there's nothing quite like dancing yourself into that trance that makes the world & all its bullshit melt away ! X

Gledwood said...

Karl: exactly! That's why I used to love E so much!!

Anna Young said...

I think I've come to a realization. I once thought we were very similar. I now see a huge difference, you are neurotic and not at all into vanity. I on the other hand am a narccasit, extrodinarly vain. We have similar mental illnesses, but are always in oppisate moods. Really the only thing we have somewhat in common is our addictions. Although you despise methadone and I find it to be the only cure for me.

If much rather be like you. I still love you.

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