Friday, 18 May 2012

Old Mother Hubbard Came Out Of The Cupboard

YESTERDAY, quite by chance, I bumped into an old friend of mine ~ in fact, I considered her an ex-friend; now I'm not so sure. On my old blog I always clled her Mother Hubbard because she is a generation older than me and used to wash my clothes and feed me. At one point I was barely eating anything. So she did me a lot of favours, which I wasn't quite as grateful for at the time as I probably should have been.

I didn't even recognize her! I myself had calculated that she was drinking so much in alcohol back in the day that Calorie-wise at least, she didn't need to eat. She's lost FIVE STONE ~ that's 70lbs, 32kg. She came off all the heroin. Reduced the methadone to zero "in the community" ~ so at least I now know somebody who has achieved that feat. Most people seem to need a detox unit to come off it. What I have against detox units is that you usually have to clean up entirely in 10 days. That's far too quick for me. The quicker the detox, the bigger the jolt. Jolts and me do not mix. If they don't make me manic, they're almost guaranteed to make me depressed.

Mother Hubbs said she had bipolar problems earlier in life and for years used heroin knowingly as an alternative to lithium ~ and it worked for her! Just like it worked for me. Flattened the mood very noticably. (Of course it made both of us raving addicts, but...) That's why I'm not surprised that the end of my years of using heroin on a near-daily basis coincided with a manic-depressive (I was both) schizoaffective psychotic episode. I don't know whether she's on psyche meds now because I avoided that topic. In fact I said as little about my self as possible.

So she lost five stone, came off heroin, methadone, alcohol and cigarettes, looks unrecognizable with her dead straight white hair that looks professionally done. She is the only person I know who looks truly happy.

Our mutual friend Rebsie, who had a 30 year plus heroin-methadone-drink habit is still in rehab miles away. Rebsie's teenage daughter is living with Hubbs on a permanent basis...

I know someone who is happy ~ wow!

PS Syd brought up this issue in a comment on my methadone, heroin and mood swings post... for anyone who really is interested re psychosis and drugs, here's a digest of the available information. I long ago stopped trying to blame my problems on drugs. Partly because I went ON them because I already was depressed and because when I looked into drug psychosis after I became psychotic, it became apparent I didn't fit the clinical criteria for substance-induced psychotic disorders or substance-induced mood disorders. Anyway the link is here...


Furtheron said...

If you can hold that image of her happy etc. Also learn from her if possible - i.e. it can be done, and she may well be willing to at least talk to you from time to time about it when you doubt yourself.

Gledwood said...

Yeah, years ago when I used to go to NA I was the ONLY person I knew who seemed even to have been (outside rehab and prison where people mostly seem to go for a change of scene)... now one friend has done NA and DIED OF CANCER before me... 2 others clean, 1 on Subutex. Even Valium Marilyn doesn't touch smack anymore... problem with her, she's such a benzo-head I can't tell whether she's intoxicated or coming down with Alzheimers... ukh what a life. I'm still probably the ONLY person at my clinic who actually WANTS to reduce their methadone. Apparently the government is forcing people to. Yeah, and they should force diabetics to reduce insulin doses too :-)

bugerlugs63 said...

Gledwood, You memtion N/A in your reply to Furtheron but not in your post . . . Did Hubbs do N/A, if so is she still doing it? If so . . . well there you go.
Either way, good for her, It's always good to hear these stories . . . which is why I "keep going back", It shows it can be done; gives us hope. I'm glad you bumped into her.
Take care, with love x

Gledwood said...

I didn't ask but seriously doubt she'd have done NA.

I decided to do it myself for a year. But they don't seem too interested in you until you're "clean" already... which means off methadone!