Friday, 29 June 2012


THE LADY from the Mental Health Support Needs Assessment Crew called in. She thinks my house is a mess. I call that unpacking!

She said the purpose of everything, which seems to include my living where I presently am, is to establish whether I am capable of independent living at all!!

She asked loads of questions, then said she sees no reason why I shouldn't get their service. (Again.) I'm not sure she knows the again part. That I had a Support Worker named Deshane for a year. Until he just gave up on me. The way all professionals always have done.

Personally I don't see how being very messy equates to extreme mental unbalance, but the Housing and Support Services seem to think so. The Drug Service, on the other hand, were enquiring accusingly as to why I was not in full-time employment already. In fact the methadone clinic's 90 minute interview yesterday was far too probing and I went away feeling stripped bare. Paranoid that they will use the details they have against me.

I have always felt this is nothing more than a plot to leave me hopeless and destitute, back on the street. I don't care how irrational that sounds. time will tell that I'm right.

I met my new drug keyworker yesterday and already I'm uninspired. He chairs one of those groups where junkies come in, talk about drugs for 90 minutes, then go out to score. What else are you going to do after so much drug-talk? Already he's trying to push me into going ~ to be mentally raped in front of a room full of strangers. I had a worker who tried that on before. Tried to integrate our Confidential keywork sessions into meetings with a room full of surly junkies. Just because she happened to be Group Co-ordinator and wanted to save time and effort, because seemingly I was worth none. I'm not letting that happen again.

The Nutter Club (the dual diagnosis group) has been shut down. So there's nowhere I can actually share my point of view. The general groups with names like "Relapse Prevention" are places where platitudes prevail, not truth.

I so cannot wait to get away from this crooked and deceitful system that has me on methadone, a drug three to four times MORE ADDICTIVE THAN HEROIN ever was!

The good news is that I've found a top tune; the piano theme is sublime. This is the theme to the film The Other Boleyn Girl ~ about Anne Boleyn, the second of six wives to King Henry VIII. I saw it today and it's very good, if you're in the mood for historical melodrama.

Wishing a charming weekend to you all ...

Illustrated: Anne Boleyn...


bugerlugs63 said...

There are massive changes in the benefit system. I know of addicts who can't deal with going out of theit front door or even opening their post . . . their benefits are now "Employment Support Allowance" . . that's somewhere between Job Seekers Allowance and Disability Living Allowance (which is now for the severely disabled) . . . If they don't go to the "support" groups, as specified by ESA, to prepare them for work, benefits are stopped . . . Imagine how pleased the public will be when Cameron announces how massively he has reduced the £££'s paid out to DLA and Income support . . . And paid it to ESA instead.
Within three weeks of getting Hamper G to school they are on my case . . . with three kids to look after, I am now expected to find a job which allows me 6 weeks summer leave. They will put me on Job Seekers Allowance from September. It's a fucking farce, you're right to be paranoid on this one . . . Sorry for the rant.
Have a good weekend . . . I'm off to find that piano theme. Take care, with love x

Anna Young said...

Wow England sounds horrible as far as being mentally ill, jobless, hooked. So far the U. S. has pretty good.

I hope things get better Gleds.

Anonymous said...

Anna you think you have it good living off the system? You're living with mommy and daddy with no life. I'd rather be dead than live such a meaningless existence.

Gledwood said...

Bugerlugs: well I'm planning to get clean so I can die clean. No other reason. If something else comes along, fine, I'll go for it. All I want from life is death. A clean death. And I wanna use opiates to get this. Hence I need no tolerance. Hence being clean. To use opiates to die from. A perfect circle.

Anna: no the US sounds worse. Judge Judy puts on her doctor hat and asks people why they're sick all the time. A British "judge" would be less likely to do that. Until David Cameron's been in power a few years then things might change!


Gledwood said...

O yeah I finally found that tune I was talking about and got it up here. The Ann Boleyn tune. It's here. Now.

I thought it was some classic piece, but it seems it was written for the film.

bugerlugs63 said...

A guy in this town just did that ... got clean and then OD'd . . . How sad.
Love the new tune x

Gledwood said...

It's not what I really want to do, but it sees me through my darkest moments in a positive way, if you will. Ie I still want to be clean, WHATEVER the future holds...

As for the rest of my comments, I wish I'd just shut up. I was just in a paranoid bad mood!

Anna Young said...

Why are you commenting on z gleds blog?
Please gleds would you delete the ABOVE comment. It has no place on your blog.

Thank you!

Gledwood said...

Z Gleds blog?

You mean the anonymous comment. I couldn't tell whether it was half meant for me. Hence my overheated response :-(

Bev said...

Does being tidy mean good in the head?if so Im a genius;-).being sloppy or neat is nothing but how many hours you want to spend cleaning.after a couple glasses of winei put on some music and start cleaning and I sleep so good.

Gledwood said...

Really? I just never get "into" cleaning. It always feels like a chore, no matter how short or long or how or where or why I do it, I just never get into it!!

Normal people DO seem to enjoy cleaning, no matter how much they may protest to the contrary they DO enjoy it. I see the look on their faces; they do they do they do!!

Syd said...

I hope that things will go well for you in your new digs. Sometimes, you have to play the game to do things that others want. Just sayin'.