THE DOCTOR looked inside my ear this morning and told me there was hardly any wax in there, and no compacted wax, and that my ear is infected. The eardrum is intact. I'm so deaf on one side, the only way to even it out is to stick a finger in the other ear. No pharmacy had the prescribed antibiotic ear drops in stock. The suppliers have run out and there's a two week wait. So I had to take the prescription back to the doctors and get it changed. I ended up with Otomize spray consisting of dexamethasone (a steroid) and neomycin (an antibiotic) and acetic acid (which is supposed to have antibacterial properties). How a simple infection has made me this deaf I cannot understand. No wonder I had been feeling so panic-stricken and miserable. I really felt that something had gone badly wrong, but kept telling myself not to be so neurotic. Just goes to show you should listen to your inner voice sometimes.
Just to put me off, the leaflet warns: "Excessive use (high doses or prolonged use) of this product on open wounds or damaged skin may cause deafness" ~ ie the spray to treat my deafness could actually cause it!
I'm getting so used to living in a muffled world that if and when my hearing ever does return it's going to sound quite weird. I wish the ear would hurry up and get better. It feels like there's a tree growing in my head, with the roots breaking right through the ear-drum and curling round the cochlea.
My methadone is down to 20mg as of today. Such a tiny swig it's hard to believe that so little will do anything at all. This dose is one SIXTH the starting dose at this clinic. If and when I get down to 10mg I think I'll feel like I've "achieved" something. What am I saying? I won't have really achieved anything until I'm OFF that rot altogether. What on earth I'm supposed to do then, I've no idea... What do normal people do except not rely on opiates to get through every day...? I can't even remember ...
Illustrated: infected and healthy eardrums
Grace Jones's ridiculous hula-hoop performance at the Diamond Jubilee concert